Broward News

Donald Trump, Birther and Noted Philanthropist, Calls for a Revolution

Donald Trump was a tad butthurt last night when it was announced that non-American-born Barack HUSSEIN Obama had won reelection.

This, despite the world-shattering challenge Trump laid out for Obummer when he graciously offered a $5 million donation to charity if the so-called president released his college transcripts.

See also:
-Five Things Donald Trump's "Big" Announcement Could Be

Donation. Extortion. Let's not split hairs here.

The point is, The Donald was mad. So he did what every teenaged girl does when she loses. He took to Twitter and demanded that America revolt over the travesty that is going into a booth and pressing a button for the guy you want to be president!

Oh. Wait.

That's right.

He deleted them.

Well, through the power of wizardry and black magic that we Obama supporters magically received when we voted for the Kenyan Afrikaanus, we are still able to see Trump's inane tantrum.

Just kidding. We took a screengrab of the tweets before he deleted them. Obama uses his wizardry only to hide his birth certificate.

- "He lost the popular vote by a lot and won the election. We should have a revolution in this country!"

OK, Combover McDipshit. First of all, no he didn't lose the popular vote by a lot. It's a wonder you've declared bankruptcy at least four times. How much money you have in the bank, Donald? "I have a lot of millions." 

Secondly, the popular vote has and always will mean DICK. Electoral votes are the way we tally things up here. 

- "The loser one!" Up is down, left is right, black is white, day is night!  (ALSO, TRUMPY PANTS, IT'S THE LOSER WON. NOT "ONE.")

- "We can't let this happen. We should march on Washington and stop this travesty. Our nation is totally divided!"

It's a travesty that one candidate was voted by more people than another! LET'S MARCH, YOU GUYS.

Holy assballs, that was a fantastic meltdown!

Can we have an election every night? It would be worth it just to see The Donald lose his shit like a teenaged girl who just heard her supercute crush is doing it with that crazy twat Linda!

Don't you go changin', Combover McDipshit. 

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph