Dwyane Wade Is Leaving the Heat: Six Internet Conspiracy Theories

Since the beginning of June, Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat have been in a weird public spat over his contract negotiations. Wade wants more money, while the Heat wants him to not opt out so it can spend on getting better.

It’s a bit of a pickle.

But the reality is, multiple reports have been saying Wade is very unhappy with the way the Heat has low-balled him in private. And there have been rumblings that Wade is so upset, he’s ready to ignore the whole “Heat Lifer” thing he invented last off-season and bolt to where he feels appreciated.

Of course, we’ve seen this before. In 2011, he met with the Chicago Bulls and everyone said he was done here. But this somehow feels different. It feels like he’s actually going to go. Why? Because the internet! Wade has until July 1 to notify the Heat he’s opting out of his contract, and then it’s going to get interesting.

But if you ask petrified Heat fans, they’ll tell you the signs have shown D-Wade is all but gone from Miami.

And we'd be wise to take heed. Not like Julius Caesar when someone told him "Beware the Ides of March," before he was stabbed to death by his coworkers and best friend. Of course, he could have used a less vague warning like, "Yo, the Senators are totally going to murder you in the face!"

But poor Caesar didn't have the internet like we do.


Here are the six internet conspiracy theories on why Dwyane Wade will no longer be a Miami Heat:

6. Gabrielle Union Is Not Helping
Dwyane Wade’s wife, Gabrielle Union, is known for being basketball-savvy. So some of this should be taken with a grain of salt. But some of it should be taken with GAHHH HE’S TOTALLY LEAVING US!!!!

For example, there was this Damien Wayans Tweet that she favored:

Union also recently had a reddit session where she was asked if D-Wade was leaving Miami. Her response was not unlike a Bond villain:

Yeah, we have no idea how to interpret that.

5. Dwyane Wade’s Son's Alleged Snapchat
This is something of a rumor, but it’s on the internet, so it must be true. Last week, Wade’s son allegedly posted a video on Snapchat singing Rihanna’s “Bitch Better Have My Money” in a car as Wade drove. The video in question was soon deleted, but the damning part of it was that it was captioned: “Dedicated to the Heat.”

Dwane wade's dad speaking at my church !! Happy fathers day everyone

A photo posted by Christopher Acevedo (@christovedo) on

4. Dwyane Wade’s Dad Wore a Cavs Shirt
This one’s a doozy. And on Father’s Day no less.

That’s Dwyane Wade Sr. wearing a Cleveland Cavaliers T-shirt in church. IN CHURCH!

Even God is screwing with Heat fans now.

3. Dwyane Wade Follows Cavs on Instagram
Of the 354 Instagram accounts Dwyane Wade follows, only one of them is an NBA team.

That team: the Cleveland Cavaliers.

He doesn’t even follow the Heat (who, incidentally, posted a Father’s Day pic of him and his Dad sans Cavs t-shirt on Sunday)

2. “When I was in Miami”

During the NBA Finals, Wade appeared as a guest analyst for ESPN. During one particular segment, Wade was talking about how the Heat dealt with a Finals loss by referring to the team in the past tense.

“When I was in Miami.”




Of course, later on during the segment, he referred to the Heat as “we,” but the damage was done.


1. Mutual Interest Report
Father’s Day 2015 was one for the books. First D-Wade Sr. and his Cavs T-shirt in Church shenanigans, and then this report by Sports Illustrated’s Chris Mannix that says Wade is interested in the Lakers, and that those feelings are mutual.

Of course, Wade is in the middle of trying to get the Heat to offer him more money, and the Lakers are terrible so yes, why wouldn’t they be interested in Wade? But still. This is the first legit report to surface connecting Wade to a team that isn’t the Miami Heat.

Buckle up, Heat fans. IT’S LEMON BOOTY TIME.
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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph