Fake Exorcists From Broward Arrested

Our benighted federal prosecutors are in for a bumpy ride.

As of yesterday, a few of these unlucky do-gooders have been charged with the task of punishing three women arrested for performing expensive fake exorcisms. The women, who hail from Broward, are 36-year-old Polly Evans; her 22-year-old daughter, Olivia Evans; and Polly's 32-year-old sister, Bridgitte Evans. The exorcisms were performed via mail order, in the style of the latter-day Peter Popoff. A prospective mark received a letter saying something to the effect of: "Beware! You are under spiritual assault! Send money immediately!" Some folks did.

There is no doubt in my mind that the Evanses' exorcisms were fake. There is also no doubt in my mind that every other exorcism ever performed in the history of the species was equally fake. It is unclear what separates the Evanses' exorcisms from those performed by, say, certain atavistic priests, except that the Evanses are a little more gauche. (According to the Washington Post, one mark was told that her demons couldn't be exorcised until she ponied up a Rolex watch.)

Perhaps the difference has to do with an error in the Evanses' sales pitch. To wit: They apparently told their marks that their money would be returned the moment the exorcism was successfully completed. Nobody got any money back. (Surprised?) If this is the source of the prosecutors' ire, presumably some poor lawyer will be forced to present evidence that either the exorcisms were successful or that no exorcisms were needed in the first place. Good luck on that one.

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