Lists

Five Animals That Look Like Rick Scott

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1. Bald Uakari

This is a Bald Uakari. I know it might not look like Ricky now, but send the governor on a two-week vacation to Turks and Caicos, then steal the sunscreen out of his carry-on before he boards the plane.

Upon his arrival home, put him side by side with the Bald Uakari and try to tell the difference between the two. I suspect you'd be halfway through greeting the governor before you realized you were shaking the hand of a monkey.

Things they have in common: • A strong lower jaw capable of cracking hard nuts. • Confronted with evidence that it may have made a poor decision, communicates with a loud, stabbing cry that sounds like, "Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!"

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Ryan Pfeffer is Miami New Times’ music editor. After earning a BS in editing, writing, and media from Florida State University, Ryan joined the New Times staff in November 2013 as a web editor, where he coined the phrase "pee-tweet" (to retweet someone while urinating). Born and raised in Fort Lauderdale, he’s now neck-deep in bass and booty in the 305.
Contact: Ryan Pfeffer