Awww yeah. It's that time of year again. 4/20. And while every day is 4/20 for most of you, it's important to recognize today as Stoner's Christmas. Because, why not, man?
So, to commemorate and celebrate this righteous occasion, we present our annual list of best places in Broward to go get blasted. So call in sick, dig out your favorite bong, and hit up these five places.
5. Fort Lauderdale Beach
It’s the classic obvious place and belongs on all of the 4/20 lists. Because it’s all sand and weird-looking people. It’s like you walked into the cantina from Star Wars. There are people throwing frisbees and people doing tai chi. There are shirtless bros just standing in a circle and cute girls taking in some sun. It’s a plethora of kooky out on Fort Lauderdale Beach.
4. Museum of Discovery and Science
First of all, let’s get the obvious out of the way. DO NOT smoke a doob inside the Museum of Discovery and Science. This is a respectable place of business where families come to enjoy the wonders and majesty of science, not to watch you blaze one up in the lobby. What we are suggesting here is, maybe toke up somewhere else and then take a stroll to the museum. Because, there’s some seriously gnarly stuff in here for you to look at while you’re toasty. There’s, like, a giant shark sculpture in the middle of this thing that’ll make you shit. Staring at its giant face long enough will either freak you the hell out or make you giggle until you piss your pants. It really depends on what exactly was in that bong you hit NOT ON MUSEUM PREMISES. Best of all, this is where you experience real 3-D IMAX. Nothing like catching a movie on a screen the size of a building while you’re blitzed. Especially that one movie about the humpback whales. Whales are cool because they can hold their breath for a long time, and then they jump really high and make a big splash and who’s hungry let’s go to 7-Eleven for a Moon Pie.
3. Snook Island Natural Area
Take a toke and then try saying the name of this place again and again. Snook Island Natural Area. Snook. Island. Natural. Area. Snookislandnaturalarea. The words are so random, yet they make sense, you know? This place is pretty.* And there’s, like, a reeaaally long dock that goes on and on and never ends and totally makes you feel like you’re walking on water, which is supercool. Look at the sky. It's so bluuuueeeee....
(*also, this place is actually in Palm Beach.)
2. Alligator Alley
Getting high and looking at the stars is one of the all-time underrated things to do in life. Really, what better way is there to get ripped than by being outside? Better yet, out on Alligator Alley? Head up the I-75 to Naples at night, wait for the lights of the city to dim in the horizon behind you, pull over, and proceed to get yourself properly toasted. There isn't a clearer view of the stars and constellations than on this road, which means you can contemplate the vastness of the universe while theorizing about how we're all just, like, a speck of dirt in the fingernail of a massive deity, man. Steer clear of rest stops (for obvious reasons), and make sure to completely come down from your buzz before you head back home. And if you should spot a rare Florida panther out there, don't do anything dumb like try to talk to it or high-five it or something. Better yet, dude, just go get high at your cousin’s house and turn on NatGeo.
1. Monster Mini Golf
Two words. Glow-in-the-dark mini golf. Mmmhmmm. Once again, we must stress, DO NOT get stoned at this place. Do it somewhere else off premises. But yo… Monster Mini Golf is an entire mini golf course that glows in the dark. There’s neon everywhere! And there’s no better place to hit a ball while tripping balls. There’s a giant glowing Gene Simmons face. And a giant clown face. OK, this place is freaking me out. Oh wait, look, skeeball, bro. SKEEBALLL. That’s a funny word. Skee. Ball. Ball. Ball. Bawl. Hahaha. Let’s go get some Moon Pies.