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Five Future Career Options Allen West Should Consider

Allen West isn't giving up without a fight. Even though the incumbent Commie hunter lost by 0.8 percent to Patrick Murphy, he's demanding a recount. 

A West Palm Beach court is slated to hear West's case for an injunction today at noon. But his energy will surely be better spent polishing the old résumé and crafting clever cover letters to catch the eyes of future employers. 

Here are five potential career opportunities South Florida's greatest patriot ought to consider.

5. Romance Novelist: Move over, E.L. James. There's a new smut peddler teeming with lascivious ambition who's not afraid to make provocative demands. "I cannot wait to have the tightness of your butt surround my penis as I slide in," West wrote in a letter to his wife, Angela. West already lives in a fantasy land, so penning a series of books based on the sexual exploits of a depraved Commie shouldn't be much of a challenge. 


4. Terry Jones' Flack: Pastor Terry Jones knows how to spark a controversy. Whether he's promoting a Qur'an-burning get-together or hanging an effigy of President Obama, the guy pisses people off like no other. But he's not the most elegant spokesman and could use some good flack. Well, Allen West has repeatedly expressed his disdain for Muslims and seems perfectly suited to defend the rambling hatred of Jones. Plus, West has tons of media connections. It's a tag team of insanity that only the Sunshine State could produce. 

3. Scuba Diving Guide: West is as comfortable in a wetsuit as he is in fatigues. He's familiar with local dive sites and is scuba-certified. But most important, he's willing to break federal law and dive with an American flag just to make the experience memorable. 

2. Social Media Maven: West is a force to be reckoned with on Facebook and Twitter. He was named the most engaging Twitter user in Congress earlier this year and has more than 178,000 Facebook followers. Any company would be happy to have that kind of digital weight. It should be mentioned that West might very well be a troll. 

1. Fox News Correspondent: No application needed, Mr. West. Your experience speaks for itself. HIRED!


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Chris Sweeney

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