Five Horrible Florida Moms

When's the last time you called your mother? No, seriously, pull out your phone right now and take a look. You realize we're talking about the person who gave you life and ostensibly molded you into the person you are today, right? For shame, dear reader. For shame.

Mother's Day is right around the corner, and we here at the Pulp are giving you the head's-up a few days in advance so you can cue up the Edible Arrangements website or visit your local Yankee Candle Co. in time for the weekend.

And when Sunday comes along, don't forget to whip out the smart device your parents are probably still footing the bill for. We know you'll be grilled on who you're seeing these days, forced to discuss whatever happened to someone you couldn't care less about from high school, and asked inane questions about whether you've been eating, showering, and calling your grandma (Don't worry, there's not another holiday for that), but you owe it to your mom for not making this list. Here are the five worst Florida moms of the past year, ranked from harmless to horrible.

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Allie Conti was a fellow at Miami New Times and a staff writer for New Times Broward-Palm Beach, where her writing won awards from the Florida Press Club and the Society of Professional Journalists. She's now the senior staff writer at Vice and a contributor to the New York Times, New York Magazine, and the Atlantic.