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Five Things Donald Trump's "Big" Announcement Could Be UPDATED

Donald Trump will be making a "very, very big" announcement today that might change the course of the presidential election but probably won't because Donald Trump is an attention-whoring dipshit.

But that isn't keeping us from talking about it because everyone loves to stare at a train wreck. Particularly a circus train with a terrible combover.

So, what could the big announcement be??

Some are saying that Trump will reveal that the Obamas once almost got divorced.

But Trump himself took to Twitter and said that all predictions up to this point are wrong.

So, what will the announcement be? Here are five guesses: 

Update [12:40 p.m.] Trump announces on YouTube that he will donate $5 million to a charity of Obama's choice if the president hands over his college records (see Trump's video below)

5. Trump will be combing his hair to the other side of his head
In a daring attempt to change things up, Trump has decided to stop combing over his hair towards the front of his head, and will instead comb it towards the back. This will reveal tattoos of his ex-wive's names next to a drawing of a topless Daisy Duck on his forehead that he's been hiding for decades.

4. Trump will fire Mitt Romney
"Mittington, my net worth is about 2.9 billion. Yoahs is $250 million. Theafoah because youah not rich enough to represent the Republicans and piss all ovah the middle class, yeh fiahd."

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph

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