Do you happen to need an AK-47, as well as a company to process your credit card transactions?
If so, that would make today your lucky day, strangely enough.
MerchantService.com -- a Sarasota-based company that provides the equipment and processing for credit-card transactions in businesses -- announced its "Free AK-47 Giveaway" yesterday, offering an AK-47 worth up to $750 for new accounts based on how much credit-card processing volume businesses put through the company.
The company doesn't exactly have a cache of AKs sitting in its stock room -- it gives you a voucher to redeem instead -- and while you don't have to get an AK-47, they'd prefer you did.
"Keep in mind we are not simply handing out AK-47 assault rifles to anyone who opens an account with us," the company says. "Instead, you will receive a voucher that can be used towards the purchase of a firearm at any reputable gun shop where you must go through the proper background checks and waiting period that the law requires. If you prefer, the voucher can also be redeemed for cash."
Under the banner on its website that says "God, Guns & Guts" as part of the company's "No Victims" campaign, the company is promoting its services to protect against robberies and such, and apparently assault rifles fit the bill:
One of the most important steps toward ensuring you and your businesses well being is deciding to not be a victim.
According to a survey conducted by Professors James D. Wright and Peter H. Rossi, 56% of the felons surveyed agreed that "A criminal is not going to mess around with a victim he knows is armed with a gun;"
With the all of violence and crime in the US there are many things merchants can do in order to protect themselves in the future.
The website also uses a song that claims "I got rights" -- not the Hank Williams Jr. "I've Got Rights" -- and includes the lyrics "the Good Book says, I got rights."
For the $750 AK, you're going to need to open an account for 15 or more stores and do more than $1 million in volume.
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If you do less, the company still offers smaller payouts toward the purchase of your new assault rifle, down to $50 for one store and $100,000 in volume.