Broward News

Florida Could Be Even Fatter by 2030

Put down that can of cake icing!

The U.S. annual fat report card was released Tuesday, and according to what it says, Florida will basically be one massive coronary with palm trees come 2030.

According to the report, Florida is on track to hit 58.6 percent in 18 years, which means health-care costs related to fat-people diseases, such as diabetes, stroke and blood-turning-to-gravy disease, will increase accordingly.

So stop eating that mayonnaise straight from the jar with a spoon and listen up!

In this year's state-by-state ranking, Florida weighs in as the 32nd fattest state in the fattest country in the world, with 26.6 percent of the state being obese. The nation's fattest state, Mississippi, waddles in with 34.9 percent of its population being obese. Colorado, the leanest state, is at 20.7 percent.

Florida gained half a percent since last year, and it's totally your fault. You know you shouldn't have had that Cinnabon at the airport on your way to that convention! Now look at you. You can't fit into those pants, and the state rose a percentage point. WAY TO GO, FATTY McNUGGETS.

All fat jokes aside, if Florida continues to eat sausages wrapped in bacon for breakfast by the bucketload, obesity could contribute to 2.3 million new cases of type-2 diabetes.

We could also see 6.1 million new cases of heart disease and stroke, 5.2 million new cases of hypertension, 3.2 million new cases of arthritis, and nearly 870,000 new cases of obesity-related cancer.

So it's pretty simple. Don't want the diabeetus, stop stuffing your facehole.



KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph