Florida Man On Cocaine Avoids Gators By Jumping Through Windshield | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida


Florida Man On Cocaine Avoids Gators By Jumping Through Windshield

A Hobe Sound man decided to do a shitload of cocaine around a bunch of alligators and then locked his keys in his car.

All excellent ideas rolled into one!

When the man realized he had locked his keys in his car, he had an even grander idea.

In order to avoid the supposed large gators, he decided to break into his car .... through the windshield.

According to a Martin County Sheriff's Office report, County Fire Rescue officials and a police officer spotted the 28-year-old man's 1995 Dodge Neon on the evening of September 12.

The man was parked on Pratt Whitney Road near the entrance to a reserve.

The officials noticed sandy footprints dotting the hood and roof of the Dodge. They also noticed a big hole in the windshield.

When they looked inside the Dodge, they spotted the man sitting in the driver's seat. He had cuts on his body, and a bottle of painkillers spilled out on the floor.

The deputy asked the man what happened.

According to the report, the man says that he jumped through the windshield to get his keys, because he was afraid of the "large gators."

He also said he figured the insurance company would replace the windshield for free.

That's assuming he's insured under the "DO A SHITLOAD OF COKE, JUMP THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD TO UNLOCK YOUR CAR" plan.

The man also admitted to doing a lot of coke, making this the most Florida Thing Ever.

Follow Chris Joseph on Twitter

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph

Latest Stories