Three self-proclaimed Florida Panhandle "rednecks" done caught themselves a 277-pound bull shark using nothing but a baseball bat, their bare hands, and common sense.
The perfectly redneck-named Cody Harlan, Jonathan Cook, and Robert Trutt went fishing for pompano off Okaloosa Island on Thursday morning when they spotted something in the water they say looked like driftwood.
And, as any yokel would, they decided to steer their boat over to it, because driftwood is awesome. However, what was thought of as driftwood was actually a bull shark.
The three thought it was a dolphin, but as they would soon discover, it was a shark that had gone belly-up.
The three assumed the shark was dead, so they decided to leave it in the water and let the waves take it away and nature run its course.
And by "decided to leave it in the water and let the waves take it away and nature run its course," we mean they jumped into the water to try to take the shark's teeth.
With his redneck training finely tuned, one of the men, Harlan, waded into the chest-deep water and grabbed the animal by the tail. He then began pulling it toward the shore, as any good redneck would.
"I wanted it for its teeth," Harlan told dwfdailynews.
The two others then helped drag the shark to shore.
Once they got the animal onto the beach, it started to move.
"It started opening its mouth like it was gulping for air and moving its tail," one of the men said.
IT WUZ LAHK IT WANTED TAH LIVE ER SOMETHIN'!
So the men did the logical thing and helped the shark back into the water.
And by "helped the shark back into the water," we mean they began to beat the shit out of it with a baseball bat like in the final scene of Casino.
The men did call the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission people to ask if it was cool for them to catch a bull shark. Once the FFWCC confirmed that the size of the shark was cool for fishing, they resumed beating it with a bat.
The men claimed that the shark had a large piece of fish lodged in its mouth and that it was choking.
WE JUST THAWT WE SHUD DO THA HUMANATARIANIAN THANG AND PUT THE SHARK OUT OF ITS MIZERY BAH BEATIN' IT WITH A BASEBALL BAT 'N ALL.
It took the men 90 minutes to drag the dead shark to their truck. Once there, in true redneck fashion, they posed for pictures with it on the back of the flatbed because, YEEEEHAWWWWWWW WAIT'LL GOOBER HEARS WE NABBED US A SHARK NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK!!