Humor

Florida or Ohio: Which State is More F-ed Up?

Here in the news biz, where we're bombarded with an endless stream of updates on how humanity is circling the toilet bowl, we often ask ourselves: What's the most whack state?

Obviously, Florida is the front-runner. But can anyone else even compete for the crown? Let's be honest, on any given day, any one in the 50-piece set might be a contender, so what about consistency? Texas? Naw, Texas only thinks it's fucked up because the bylaws of the Texan's ego stipulates he must consider himself extraordinary in all endeavors, when actually he's pretty blah shrug uh. California? Way too chill. New York? Fugeaboutit.

No, dear readers. After much scientific consideration, we've concluded that the only state putting up a fight against Florida for the lowest of lows is . . . Ohio. Uproxx.com agrees.

Why Ohio? As someone who's from there, I've got some first hand knowledge on this. Mainly, you've got a pretty large state made up of former industrial power houses now on life-support and miles and miles and miles of corn fields where you can basically do anything you want without anyone finding out. And meth. There's lots of meth.

Uproxx has a new tag on their batshit crazy crime stories asking the reader to guess which state is responsible for the headline.

Here's a taste, you tell us which it is: Florida or Ohio

1. "Former 'Bachelor Pad' Contestant Survives Getting Her Head Run Over By a Truck."

2. "Man Inherits 13,000 Item Clown Collection From His Father-In-Law."

3. "'Naked Man Found Hiding In Neighbor's Dryer."

Answers: Florida, Florida, Ohio.



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Kyle Swenson
Contact: Kyle Swenson