Florida Residents Petition White House to Secede From United States | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida


Florida Residents Petition White House to Secede From United States

Man, some people really, really can't stand having a black dude for president.

So, in light of Barack Obama resoundingly winning reelection by virtue of both the electoral college and the popular vote and in the process winning traditional GOP strongholds Ohio and Florida, some brave American heroes have decided to stand up to the oppression of a democratically elected president as per the Constitution of the United States of America and decided to ask that president to let them secede from the United States of America because it's totally what Ben Franklin would've done because... he's got bitchin' quotes about revolution and stuff.

A bunch of states, including Florida, have jumped on the White House's website and are using the We the People page (built to help folks start petitions and give constructive feedback on how best to run the government) to ask Obama to let them cede from the Union.

These disheartened Florida patriots want Obama to let them peacefully withdraw from the U.S. so it can create its one new government.

Their reason: Because the federal government has not led us with honor and justice.

Good one, seceders!  

Also, because the Founding Fathers said a bunch of awesome stuff about seceding from the British Empire, who also were led by a black man (little-known fact!):


Peacefully grant the State of Florida to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.

We the people of the great state of Florida, do see that in today's world the Federal Government has not led our citizens justly and with honor. We therefore as free men and women of our great state do believe that it is time to take matter upon ourselves to ensure our continued freedom, and to enact our own laws and here buy govern ourselves without the federal government's involvement in our internal matters from this day forward.

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.

Benjamin Franklin: 1775

Essentially, these brave souls are asking Obama and the federal government to take their unemployment benefits thousands count on, their Medicaid the state's elderly count on, their protection provided by the armed forces, funding to help eventual hurricane and tropical storm victims, money to help fix roads and bridges, and all the other things these free men and women use on a daily basis but apparently can do without because the president is a black and Ben Franklin once said something about temporary safety.

The Florida petition, which needs to reach 20,000 signatures by December, so far has 6,454 signatures.

Hang in there, heroes. We're rooting for you to secede really, really hard.

No, really.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph

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