Florida Residents Who Petitioned to Secede From the U.S. Don't Even Live In Florida

A few weeks ago, we told you about a group of Floridans fed up with all that government interference (like roads and hospitals and police and stuff) and put together a petition on the White House's website to allow the state to "peacefully" secede from the United States LEST OBAMA INVITE THE WRATH OF PEOPLE SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT HIM ON THE INTERNET.

See also:
-Florida Residents Petition White House to Secede From United States

The petition ballooned to nearly 35,000 signatures. But in an interesting update, it appears that a lot of those signatures are from people who don't even live in Florida.

The petition records signers' first name and last initial, as well as their place of residency. And a good number of them folks fed up with Obama's uppity attitude toward giving poor people health care don't even live in Florida.

Maybe these people are waiting for the secession to be official before they move to Florida?

Or maybe it's just a shitload of folks who would love for the Sunshine State to finally go away already.

Yeah, we're going to go with that answer.

Either way, the White House promised to review and respond to every We the People petition that has reached 25,000 signatures by early December (Florida could be gone in just a week or two? HOTDOG!).

But where will you seceders turn for stories about ladies beating up their boyfriends because they failed to sexually satisfy them once Florida is gone? Ohio? Pfft. Well, yeah, sure, if you like those kind of stories with some sexy white trash sprinkled in. Ha. Ha. Just kidding, Ohio. There's no such thing as sexy white trash.

Anyway, the petition seems to have caught the attention of Rick Scott.

"Gov. Scott still believes in the American Dream, and that Florida will continue to create jobs and opportunities for the families of our state as one of the fastest growing economies in America," Scott spokeswoman Jackie Schutz said in a statement.

For its part, the White House declined to comment on the petition. Probably because it's so stupid. Also, because it's got other things to kinda worry about at the moment. But mostly, because it's so stupid.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph