Florida's 7 Dumbest Criminals For the Month of November

Ah Florida. We have criminals, just like every other state. But we have our own special kind of criminal. Namely, dumb ones. And, because we're never in short supply of dumb criminals, we present to you our latest series of the dumbest Florida criminals of the month. November was a...
Share this:

Ah Florida.

We have criminals, just like every other state.

But we have our own special kind of criminal. Namely, dumb ones.

And, because we're never in short supply of dumb criminals, we present to you our latest series of the dumbest Florida criminals of the month.

November was a special kind of dumb for Florida criminals.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the stupid!

7. The Lady That Kicked A Bunch of Geese Because They Were Following Her Around

A 20-year-old woman was arrested after being caught on video kicking a bunch of geese in Twin Hills Park.

When questioned by police, the woman stated the three geese "attacked her family," at which point she was "forced to move or change locations." She says after she changed locations, the geese followed, at which point she "dared them" to follow her again.

6. The Gang That Got Busted After Posting a Video on YouTube Of Themselves Rapping With Guns

The Palm Beach Sheriff's Office stumbled onto a video which shows several gang members showing off their guns and displaying gang signs with their hands.

The video not only led authorities to the gang members but also to guns, drugs, and other illegal items.

According to the PBSO, Cortney Terry, the main gang member rapping in the video, was charged with aggravated battery and being a felon in possession of a firearm.

5. The Dad That Encouraged His Son To Fight Another Teen, And Then Tried To Jump Into The Fight When His Son Started Getting Beat Up

According to Satellite Beach Police, a man was a part of onlookers that gathered to egg on two teens to fight. One of the teens was the man's son.

Police were able to obtain a cell phone video of the incident, shot by one of the onlookers. On the video, the gathering could be heard screaming at the teens to get ready to rumble.

In the video, you can see the two teens grappling. But when the man's son is seen on the ground losing the fight, the man jumps in and intervenes. With his fists.

The man is seen grabbing the other teen by the throat and then punching him a bunch of times.

While this is going down, voices in the crowd could be heard yelling at him to back off. "It's not your fight," someone cries out.

The man was eventually pulled away from the teen by a woman, and then he was arrested.

4. The Guy That Tried To Take Upskirt Photos Of A Woman In Walmart

According to Hernando County Police, a woman shopping at a Walmart said that a man was walking beside her inside the store and allegedly tried to reach his phone underneath her skirt and started snapping photos.

It's not hard to spot a strange dude creepin' right next to you awkwardly trying to shove his camera under your skirt, so the woman was able to confront him.

He ran away.

Cops were able to track Walters down using the store's surveillance video, and arrested him.

3. The Guy That Faked Being A Cop So He Could Get A Discount On Dunkin' Donuts

A Pasco County man drove to the Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru located on on State Road 54. He showed the employee his badge, which read "Morris County" on it, and then asked for a discount on his donuts.

It was the perfect crime!

Maybe a little too perfect. Because apparently the man didn't just leave it there. Perhaps from feeling the rush of pulling off such a heist, or maybe because he's just a guy knows no other way to live than on the edge, he went back to the same Dunkin' Donuts a second time for more cheap donuts.

The man returned to the drive-thru the following day. But the employee was a tad suspicious, what with a guy claiming to be a police officer by showing her his gun. So she told her manager about it.

The manager was able to take down the man's license plate number from the store's surveillance camera, and reported it to the cops.

2. The Doctor That Beat His Patient With A Whip and Made Her Have Sex With Him As Part of Her "Therapy"

A Lake Worth osteopathic doctor apparently treated a depressed female patient by making her get naked, and getting on all fours as he handcuffed her, blindfolded her, and then beat her with a whip.

The patient also alleges that she would be forced to perform sex acts on the good doctor as a "thank you" for the treatment.

Dr. David Simon admitted to the unusual treatment, saying that it was "punishment therapy" for his then 38-year old patient, according to his attorney.

It just so happens, she wasn't the first patient to complain of Dr. Simon's creepy-ass behavior.

1. The Guy That Stuffed His Lady Into A Duffel Bag To Sneak Her Into His Halfway House

A Boca Raton man had been staying at the Boca House, a sober-living halfway house for men. Per the rules, Boca House does not allow overnight guests.

But the man was missing his lady and was in need of her company. So he stuffed her inside a bag to try to get her in.

But according to a Boca Raton Police report, the man's plan was foiled when someone noticed his lady's arm pop out of the bag when the two were in a Walgreen's parking lot. Probably thinking the man had a dead body in a duffel bag, the witness called the cops.

According to the report, the man told police she got into the bag voluntarily.

Send your story tips to the author, Chris Joseph. Follow Chris Joseph on Twitter

KEEP NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls. Make a one-time donation today for as little as $1.