Jeb Bush announced that he's thinking about running for president Tuesday, which means he will run because that's what Bushes do. "Once a Bush, probably a president," as the old-money saying goes.
So any Floridians getting excited that somebody who's kinda sorta one of their own shouldn't be so excited. Not only would another President be Bush further proof that we don't live in a democracy anymore, but it's also kind of boring. Especially since there are so many other more interesting candidates from the Sunshine state.
As of today, there are 142 people officially running for president and 17 of them are from Florida, including a guy named President Emperor Ceaser. Yes, his first name is "President."
Here are some of the more interesting candidates:
4. Josue Larose -- Deerfield Beach
Nobody knows much about Josue Larose other than that the guy file to run for many elected offices and has file to create a lot of political action committees, including the "Dating Women Committee," which indicates he's about some more-than-political "action."
Much has been written about Larose's elusiveness over the years. He claims to be a billionaire and tells reporters they don't have the right to write about him, as the Sun-Sentinel reported back in 2010. And even ProPublica tried to get to the bottom of Larose, who had filed PACs under these names, which sound like somebody trying really hard to point out why PACs are ridiculous:
...the Bloomingdale's Department Store Customers Super PAC, the NFL Sport Players Super PAC, the United Nations Diplomats Super PAC, the Yale University Graduates Super PAC, the IRS Employees Super PAC, and the Costco Store Customers Super PAC.
And in May 2012, even comedian Stephen Colbert sought to explore the mystery that is Larose. Here's that clip:
3. Dr. Terry Jones -- Fort Myers
Hey, remember that guy who got famous for burning a Koran? That's Florida resident Terry Jones. Yes, he and his mustache are still around and they both want to be your commander-in-chief. He also wants to nuke ISIS, judged by his recent choice of apparel, which is pretty clear evidence of his foreign policy might look like.
A President Terry Jones would likely bring death and destruction to millions of innocent Muslims, which might make him the most Bush-like candidate of this group.
2. Paul Chehade -- Miami
Chehade is serious. He has a website with his views on issues, just like real candidates do. And he's a bit hard to pin down. Strict conservatives might like his vehement anti-abortion stance (he says a woman who gets an abortion after a rape-induced pregnancy "lacks compassion"), but he also believes undocumented immigrants who have a job and children born in the U.S. should be granted amnesty. On the marijuana question, he thinks it should be illegal and we should have stricter drug laws. On Cuba, he says lift the embargo and change the country through openness, not condemnation.
But he also has a trippy campaign video that tells us we are like trees and need to be more in tune with nature. It sounds nice. Chehade sounds like the cool college professor you don't always agree with, but who always has good weed (dude's just holding out on that 'keep pot illegal' thing, probably). Here's his video:
1. President Emperor Caeser -- Cape Coral
We don't know anything about this guy except that he likes to submit his name for office and he lives in Cape Coral.
Maybe that's all we're meant to know about a dude with such a probably fake but still bad-ass name who files to run for president.