Fort Lauderdale Guy in Plaid Shorts Accused of Beating Man He Thought Was Australian | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida


Fort Lauderdale Guy in Plaid Shorts Accused of Beating Man He Thought Was Australian

​Fort Lauderdale Police are looking for a suspect in connection with a beating that happened at an Andrews Avenue gas station last month.

Police say the charming, American-Eagle-bedecked gentleman at right was standing in line at the Shell Station at 1144 S. Andrews Ave. on February 19 when he spontaneously turned around and told another man to "back up six inches." The victim, 50-year-old Michael Stocker, says the agitated man then called him a "limey fuck." When asked for clarification, Mr. Plaid Shorts clarified that he suspected Stocker was Australian.

When Stocker asserted that he was, in fact, American, the man beat Stocker into the corner with punches and knees, leaving the him with bruises, abrasions, and a chipped tooth. The Anti-Australian Assailant then "casually strolled out of the convenience store, as Stocker was left downtrodden in the corner," according to police.

Police spokesman Det. Travis Mandell said Stocker is from Chicago.

(Nerd break: Yes, the term "limey" refers to British sailors who had to eat limes to avoid scurvy. While Australia was heavily colonized by the British in the 19th Century, I could not find any information about scurvy there. Asking Jeeves for clarification was also unhelpful. It's possible the suspect either did not understand the term or knows a lot about Australian fruit intake, or that saying fuck after limey alters the definition in a way I am not familiar with.)

Police describe the suspect as around 30 years old, five-foot-nine, and 180 pounds, with brown hair, brown eyes, and tattoos on his right arm. Witnesses told police he drove off in a gray pickup truck. If you have any info, call Det. Orlando Almanzar at 954-828-5546.

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Rich Abdill

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