Every city is like a fingerprint, unique and special in its own way. But few places are as special as Fort Lauderdale. If it were a finger, it would be a big fat middle one, poking out a half-open car window in the direction of an elderly man who's going 15 miles per hour in the left lane.
But, hey, that's why we love it. It's simply the best neighborhood in Broward, and I'm going to tell you why.
These little green guys are everywhere. If you live in Fort Lauderdale, there are probably three of them getting weird in your swimming pool as you read this. Sure, manatees are fun, but they spend most of their time underwater, and they die easier than a baby playing Call of Duty. I'm pretty sure the only way to kill an iguana is to drop it into Mount Doom.
They're kind of cute too. One time I saw one floating down Middle River on a bloated roll of toilet paper like a little iguana pirate. You can keep your rats, New York City. We're happy with our iguanas.
Yachts! With more than 42,000 resident yachts and 100 marinas and boatyards, Fort Lauderdale is to yachting what Aruba is to missing white girls. There's a reason we're the home of the International Boat Show, and it's not just because everyone else said no.
If you come to Fort Lauderdale with a lot of money and a small penis, chances are you're leaving with a yacht.
See also: Winterfest Boat Parade 2013
The Stranahan House! What's the Stranahan House you ask? Well, besides a disappointing field trip to third-graders, it's a really old house founded in 1901 by Frank and Ivy Stranahan, nestled in downtown Fort Lauderdale. The Stranahans were cool because they were basically the first white people to not give the Seminoles diseased blankets.
It's a neat little slice of history and a great story of the pioneer spirit (as long as you leave out the part about Frank Stranahan committing suicide in the front yard).