While most of us were basking in freedom hangovers and post-Fourth laziness, Fort Lauderdale officials released their proposed 2013 budget.
Overall, the city plans to encounter $470 million in expenditures, including $300,000 for a few coats of paint on the revoltingly bland City Hall. City officials are looking for an operating budget of $269.5 million.
Here are some choice tidbits from the proposal:
The men in blue are poised to lose $500,000 in overtime expenses, which should cause a bit of grumbling. But they score $680,000 for an upgrade to "mobile laptops and docking stations." Better access to internet porn from within the cruiser surely makes up for the lost overtime hours.
A cool $100,000 is set aside for speedhumps. Is there a more terrible way to blow $100,000?
3. Grade-A Human Waste
Great news, folks. Powerhouse credit-rating agency Standard & Poor's upgraded Fort Lauderdale's Water and Sewer bond rating to AA+. In other words, we can officially walk around like our shit don't stink. But despite this glorious status, city officials are proposing an 8.15 percent rate increase, which it expects to translate into additional $3.77 "on a residential customer using 5000 gallons of water per month."
4. Higher Property Taxes
Homeowners can expect a 1.1 percent hike on their property taxes if this budget passes. Roughly 30 percent of the city's operating budget comes from property taxes.
5. Graveyard Shift
How much do you think it costs to take care for all the corpses in Fort Lauderdale's four cemeteries? Don't worry if you're having trouble -- it's a tough question. But the answer, according to this budget proposal, is $889,492.
6. City Hall Gets a Makeover
To make City Hall look less like a boxy utilitarian turd, the city is going to drop $300,000 on a new paint job. Fingers crossed for magenta.