Rick Scott or Charlie Crist. Either way, we're probably screwed, if we're solely to judge them by the way they're trying to reach voters.
Earlier today, we told you about how Crist might be alienating voters by jacking up their inboxes with nonstop emails.
But Scott is doing his part to treat voters like sheeple with no discernible reasoning or ability for abstract independent thought. Or, at least, one of his supporting committees is.
The College Republican National Committee has debuted an online ad that basically announces that it thinks college students are complete brain-dead mongoloids who do only what reality shows tell them to. Or something.
In an ad that supposedly is a takeoff on (or spoof of?) TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress," the geniuses at the CRNC have put together something called "Say Yes to the Candidate."
It's an attempt at being relatable and amiable, and it completely fails horribly at both. It's a parody that becomes a parody in and of itself due to its own ridiculousness. It's a meta-parody, if you will.
The ad features a sprightly young female college graduate trying to choose a wedding dress -- because if there's one thing college grads can't stop thinking about as soon as they get that degree, it's gettin' married!
Oh, but she has to choose between one dress called -- HOLY CRAP WE WISH WE WERE MAKING THIS UP BECAUSE IT'S SO STUPID -- "The Rick Scott," and another dress called, naturally, "The Charlie Crist."
The girl really likes the Rick Scott dress, though.
"I love the Rick Scott!" she declares, much to her vapid friends' googly-eyed nodding approval.
The Rick Scott has new ideas that won't break your budget, the young woman says.
A dress has ideas? Does this dress also not answer direct questions when asked?
Does the dress passive-aggressively deny climate change?
What's the dress's stance on a woman's right to choose?
How does the dress feel about the gays?
Oh, but the girl's mother wants her to wear the Charlie Crist.
"It's expensive and a little outdated," Mom admits begrudgingly. "But I know best."
That's right, college grads. Rick Scott is young and vibrant! He's also... cheap?
Also, Charlie Crist is outdated. Just like your mom!
But, the shop owner warns, the Charlie Crist comes with added costs! Two billion dollars in taxes, billions in debt, and 15 percent tuition increases!
The craziest part of this entire production: There was an actual meeting somewhere where this thing was conceived, approved, and ultimately launched.
People literally put time, money, and effort into producing this.
People actually thought it was a good idea to pander to young voters by treating them like mindless, TV-consuming, troglodytic drones.
Well done, GOP. Another winner!