Broward News

Hanging Up On Osama, Food Bombs for the Homeless, Jack Bauer Endorses Art

Phone Call from Obama, Congreswoman. No wait, Osama.

Sure, there are a lot of people wondering how much of a dumbass Republican Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen is for hanging up on Barack Obama. It took three phone calls before Ros-Lehtinen finally figured out it wasn't a hoax. But in these times, terrorists could be anywhere, or at least, that's what I've learned from Jack Bauer. And at least now we know that when Osama calls with fake information about where the terrorists have hidden the nuke, Ros-Lehtinen is ready. To hang up on him.

There's Dynamite in My Chili

Also ready to fight terrorists: homeless advocates in West Palm Beach. That's evident by their name, Food Not Bombs, which, I'm guessing here, means they stay vigilant against Muslim extremists by poisoning them with casseroles. Finally, Food Not Bombs can continue searching for terrorists among the ranks of our local street urchins by serving them food in front of the West Palm library, or at least as soon as the city gets rid of a law that forbids feeding the homeless in a couple of downtown spots. Perhaps they can finally get rid of that guy I often find camping in the entrance to my apartment building, who is clearly part of some Saudi sleeper cell.

After the jump, will high-end art dealers be eating Food Not Bomb's casseroles? Okay, I'll tell you even if you don't follow the jump. No.

Art Basel: Endorsed By Bauer

VIP collectors got an advanced look at Miami's Art Basel yesterday. This exclusive event continued the media's once-a-day serving of the basic theme this year: times are tough, but art collectors still know that if they don't buy stupid junk from art dealers, then the terrorists win. Included in that previously linked Herald story is this line:

Riestra was surrounded by a floor sprinkled with copper and silver coins -- part of the installation Fortuna by Pablo Vargas Lugo, a Mexican artist who lives in Lima.

Now, sure, I'm sitting here in a bean bag chair stuffed with $2 bills, so I'm not going to criticize Señor Riestra for complaining about the economy when he has a floor covered in money. But if I've learned anything from Jack Bauer, it's to be weary of foreigners, so let's hope Art Basel is getting a visit from Food Not Bombs.

For today's news reenactment, Jack Bauer himself endorses Food Not Bombs, which is represented here as a bottle of elixir.

-- Eric Barton

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Eric Barton
Contact: Eric Barton