Sports

Heat Sign Chris "Birdman" Andersen For Remainder of the Season

For a long while now this season, the Miami Heat were languishing at the bottom of the league in rebounds.

This was partly due to them not having a real rebounding specialist.

It was also because the Heat sometimes approach regular season games like a kid playing with his mashed potatoes.

Basically, no fucks were given in the energy/rebounding department.

So to fix this, they went out and signed former Denver Nugget Chris "Birdman" Andersen to two ten-day contracts. And they quickly learned that, while he's certainly older, he's still the Birdman of old, bringing energy, defense and, most importantly, a truck filled with sacks of fucks.

And now, the Miami Heat say that they have signed Andersen for the remainder of the season.

Andersen has played limited minutes, trying to get his playing-legs under him. But the times he's been on the court, his presence has been made known -- and not just because he's a tall white dude with a faux-hawk and tats.

Without Birdman, the Heat are rebounding the ball 8.5 times per game. With him on the floor, that number has gone up to 9.2.

Their defensive and shot-blocking numbers have also gone up with Birdman lurking the court.

And, again, this is just in limited playing time.

As the season progresses, Andersen will get back into playing shape, and his time on the court will increase.

And, with his endless energy and ability to go get loose balls, it'll be like Give A Fuck Christmas around here.

Also, there's this:

CAW!! CAW!!

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph