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How Will You Spend Your FPL Refund?

Oh, what a thrill it is to see an envelope with the FPL logo sticking out of one's holiday stocking! Because it's no fun being robbed in one fell swoop, Bernie Madoff-style. I prefer a nice, slow bleed -- or at least some Chinese water torture.

Well, let's start with the good news: Florida Power and Light just might (might!?!) refund that extra $6 million they charged us when their contractor drilled a fucking hole in the nuclear power plant generator at Turkey Point.

If (if!?!) we get this refund, we can expect our electric bill to be approximately six cents cheaper per month. Wooohooo! That means that if you can put those pennies into your piggy bank that by May 2010 you will be able to afford exactly one item at your local Dollar Store. And a merry Christmas to you, too, FPL!

But hold fast, my fellow FPL consumers, for we may just need that sixpence to pay down a big steaming sleigh-full of new shitty FPL charges, including $34.5 million in planning costs for a coal plant that the utility never built. Oh, and then there's the $7.2 billion we have to pay next year because poor FPL couldn't raise its rates fast enough to keep pace with rising fuel costs this past year. Or so they say.

And who would ever doubt the word of an outfit that in 2008 asked its most generous, conscientious customers to contribute to its renewable energy program -- only to learn that only a tiny fraction of those funds actually contributed to a renewable energy program.

Fuck the world. Pass the Slanket.

-- Thomas Francis

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Thomas Francis

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