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Immature Teachers Unable to Secure Raises

Teachers flooded a School Board meeting last night in an attempt to ask for bigger raises. However, the teachers were unsuccessful in their attempt to sway the officials using their overwhelming immaturity.

The room full of teachers -- the same ones who send students to detention for such infractions as chewing gum -- disrupted a presentation by the superintendent by coughing loudly in unison. That's right: As their boss spoke, they hoped that their disruptive coughing would silence him and therefore convince the School Board that they deserve a bigger raise. Now that their third-grader-style approached failed, the teachers will end up with just a 3.25 percent raise, which most Americans right now would call totally better than getting canned.

Just to be clear, nobody's saying that teachers shouldn't get good raises, because saying that would be like not supporting the troops or thinking bad thoughts about the American apple pie industry. But should teachers really be holding rallies, as they did yesterday, while singing Twisted Sister? Doesn't that teach our children that it's OK to sing terrible hair-band songs from the '80s?

For its part, the School Board said it would consider raises later when it finally figures out how much money it will have in this year's budget. Once the numbers come down from Tallahassee, I'm sure the teachers will be back with their fake bronchitis. But next time, maybe they should try spitballs.

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Eric Barton
Contact: Eric Barton

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