Jeb Bush Tried to Buy the Miami Marlins

The Miami Marlins held a fan/player meet-and-greet at the Hollywood Dave & Busters last night where they literally could have dressed the guy who hands out prize tickets in a suit and told people he was one of the new players and no one would have batted an eye.

Meanwhile, word from the Miami Herald is that former Gov. Jeb! Bush tried to save us all from Jeffrey Loria by trying to buy the team from him.

And, as you can see from the fact that the Marlins just signed Nick Harker to play catcher, that clearly didn't happen.

According to the Herald, Jeb! made Loria a "large offer" after wrangling a group of rich investors together as partners.

Loria told Jeb! he wasn't selling. And why should he? He's got a brand-new ballpark built on the backs of taxpayers and a team worth dick in salary costs. Also, revenue sharing! Because Major League Baseball is dumb.

Sweet deal indeed.

The report also says Loria has been made several offers by different people to buy the team, but he's rejected every one of them, like a bloated evil ogre living in some high castle refusing to give up the treasure.

For his part, Bush won't discuss his failed bid or what role he would have played had he been able to pry the team from Loria's reptilian claws.

As you may or may not know, big bro George Dubya once co-owned the Texas Rangers before he became president. His lone claim to fame then was being the guy who traded away Sammy Sosa to the Chicago Cubs. Dubya eventually sold the team and went on to ruin other things too.

Loria could part with the team after the 2014 season, when he's no longer obligated to share profits with Miami-Dade County.

But, according to close friends, he loves owning and apparently pissing all over a Major League Baseball team so much that it doesn't look like it's going to happen any time soon, if ever.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph