Joey Porter Is No Daniel LaRusso
Joey Porter and Jason Taylor may karate chop an opposing QB or two.

Joey Porter knows a thing or two about fighting. He also knows about carrying a gun in South Florida and getting shot in the ass in Colorado.

Now Bill Parcells has called in a team to teach Joey Porter (and Jason Taylor and a few other Dolphins) a little bit of karate. Seriously.

I'm picturing a lot of crane kicks.

Since Mr. Miyagi wasn't available, Parcells hired former NFL linebacker (and onetime University of Nebraska star) Jared Tomich and martial-arts instructor (and eighth-degree black belt) Michael Storms, flying the duo into South Florida twice a week to give personal lessons to Dolphins players.

Tomich told The Northwest Indiana and Illinois Times that this might help with hand speed and getting separation from offensive linemen. Tomich used to play for the Saints, where Dolphins strength and conditioning coach Evan Marcus used to be an assistant. A blackbelt himself, Tomich sounds like the players have been taking well to the waxing on and off.

"Miami's players have taken our program and implemented what we do into their everyday practices, which has been a huge testament to us. Not only are they doing the stuff when we're there but when we're not there. The coaches think that much of it."

If you can't afford to fly in some black belts to teach you karate, the best montage in the history of karate movies after the jump.

You know Joey Porter doesn't have moves like this:

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Michael J. Mooney