What follows is a dramatic imagining of ABC journalist Jon Karl interviewing a blogger.
Yes, I know. My office is small.
Oh, you. Haha. No, I'm not running for president. Yes, of course I'm ruling it out. I'm a blogger! Of course I'm not running for president. Right now, I'm concentrating on being the best blog --
No, I have not considered who'd be my running mate. Look, it's really kind of ridiculous to talk about this already.
Yes, I know. My office is very, very small. I'm a blogger. It doesn't pay much.
Why yes! I do like hip-hop! Thank you for asking.
What? No, goddammit! I will not be somebody's vice presidential candidate! What are you, sick?
I mean, look. Anything can happen. Like, you're want me to rule it out absolutely, but who could do that? No, I can't say there is an equal-to-zero chance that I won't be on the ticket for VP in two or six years. How could I? I can't say with absolute certainty that I won't wake up tomorrow and become a full-time aromatherapist or get abducted by aliens. I mean, life is surprising, right? But for God's sake, I'm a blogger. I write about puppies and Catholics. I have absolutely no intention of becoming president in the near future.
Now, as I was saying --
Yes, I am aware my office is small. Now as I was saying --
Yes, I am aware that the Oval Office is a lot bigger. Can we please talk about my fucking blog?