Kevin Underwood. Voracious reader. Loved

Kevin Underwood. Voracious reader. Loved fucking Anne Rice. Claims he can 450 words per minute with an 80 percent comprehension rate, which is ridiculously high. Also claims he scored a 35 out of 36 on the reading portion of the ACT (with a 29 overall score). Had a weird thing about hating Scooby Doo.

2002 posts "Speaking of people who need to die, tonight was a very annoying night at work. We had lots of stupid, rude customers. Even more than usual. One old lady who looked like she was probably 90 decided to be a bitch because she didn't want to pay 27 cents for a water. Then there was some cross-eyed fat lady who smelled so bad I could hardly take her order. She had a filthy boy-child with her, who looked like he'd been rolling in soggy Oreo cookies. His legs were covered in sores of some sort, it looked like they might have been burns. Over all he was a very diseased looking child. He still smelled better than she did though."

"They are cutting everyone's hours because profits have been bad or something. So now I'm going to be making even less money. I've been working there almost 7 years, and I only make $6.15 an hour. Pitiful. I still have it a lot better than most of the other people that work there. I still live with my parents, because I can't afford to move out, but most of the people I work with have their own place, and are having a really hard time paying bills."

"And then, uhhh, send me more money! Money, and valuables, and jewelry, and expensive electronics equipment, and your children! Send me your children! No wait, keep the kids, I hate kids. Unless...maybe I could make an army of sugar-crazed Harry Potter fanatics, and finally take over the world!"

Tells his imaginary readers he hates them and calls them idiots, stupid bastards, and, at times, tells them they suck, threatens to kill them.

Oklahoma sucks. No, I mean it. Oklahoma really is horrible. I live in a small town of something like 4000-5000 people. And what's really bad about that is that we are one of the bigger towns in the area ...

Religious repression: "When my parents were kids there was, for a short time, a dance hall for the teenagers. The Baptists quickly shut it down, and now it's like a senior citizen center, where the old people go to have a good time, and dance."

On alcohol: "On top of all that, since there is such a religious influence, this is what's known as a "dry county." That means the beer is like three point instead of six, (or whatever it is, I don't drink beer) and all the liquor stores have to close at 9 pm. Basically it's really hard to get alcohol."

"Tattoos parlors are illegal in Oklahoma. To legally get a tattoo you have to drive to Texas, and a lot of people do ... You also can't get decent pornography in Oklahoma, you have to drive to Texas for that too. You can get the magazines here, but the movies are all "cable version." Basically an R-rated porno. Like what they show on Cinemax late at night. To get real porn you have to drive to Texas. So, like the tattoo parlors, there are several Adult Video shops on I-35 right after you enter Texas. One of them is right on the border, it's like 100 feet from the Red River, the border between Oklahoma and Texas. I'll admit, I've driven all the way to Texas solely to buy porn. I'm not the only one though, I know several guys that have done the same thing. It's a six hour drive there and back. Long way to go for porn.

A guy with hardly any social life at all, no girlfriends. "Welcome to hell ... please wait to be seated." The start of one post.

Watched Dragonball Z regularly at age 22. Eats "Maruchan Instant Lunch" noodle cups (which he prefers to Ramen) all day long.

Started blog on the first anniversary of September 11, but not because he was affected by them. Not at all. "No one I know was involved in [the September 11 attacks], no one I know was hurt. And as long as none of my close friends or I are hurt, I don't give a fuck how many people the terrorists kill. I'm not worried about it. I live in the middle of nowhere, there's not much chance they're going to bomb anything here."

So, by now you hate me. Good. I hate you too, and I've never even met you.

And tomorrow, when you're watching your little September 11th shows and crying and hating the terrorists like a good little American sheep, remember what Adolf Hitler said: "The death of one is a tragedy. The death of millions is just a statistic." For ultimately, this is how the victims of the September 11th attacks will be remembered, as just a statistic. A mere number, on the page of a history book, scribbled on by a bored child. All the loved ones lost in this attack will be reduced to merely this. And I will laugh.

Don't waste your time sending me hate mail. I won't even read it. Just think of me as the "shock jock" of the Internet.

On a Bad Day At Work "Last night at work sucked. I had to clean the bathrooms, which is nothing new, but when I went to clean them, the men's room was completely and totally disgusting. This is also nothing new, but it was even worse than usual. Men's rooms are the nastiest, filthiest places on the planet. Usually when I go in there I have to clean snot off the wall from where people have picked their nose and wiped it on the wall while they're on the toilet. And there's often crap smeared on things, and I mean actual crap.

Last night it was even worse. The toilet had been filled with toilet paper, to the point that all the water had been sucked up and the paper had formed a big coagulated lump that filled most of the toilet. And then, since the toilet was stopped up, someone had taken a crap in the urinal, or something. It was just a piece of some crap, not an entire turd, I don't know if someone had just put it in there, or if they'd taken a crap in the urinal and got most of it to flush, or what. I don't want to know what some people do in our bathroom. Also, someone's kid had thrown up in the floor. I say it was a kid or a baby, because it was just a tiny pile, and judging from the looks of it, and the smell of the entire bathroom, it was a pile of fresh Froot Loops or Trix cereal.

I'm glad I don't have to clean the bathrooms for almost another week."

Thursday, October 10, 2002

I got this from the website of the smart, talented, and beautiful, Friday Jones.

WHY MAD SCIENTISTS ARE BETTER THAN SCIENTISTS

Scientists: Work in clean, well-lit, aseptic lab Mad Scientists: Work in dank, gloomy, musty cellars and sometimes nifty castles

S: Must follow a dress code - slacks, tie, and a normal haircut MS: Can wear black rubber and have waist-length hair, if they like

S: Personal idol - Madame Curie MS: Personal Idol - Baron Frankenstein

S: Talk in calm, rational voices MS: Scream "It's alive! IT'S ALIVE!" while cackling maniacally

S: Often dependent on federal funding, requiring endless paperwork MS: Fund their experiments by making and selling mutant babies

S: Throw parties where the biggest excitement is three kinds of appetizers MS: Throw parties where the biggest excitement is fighting the giant squid in the basement

S: All experiments must be approved by a board of their peers MS: Can just experiment - no matter what, where, when, who or why (Don't believe that they have any peers)

S: Drive small, conservative, boring cars MS: Drive second-hand hearses or trucks that they can stash a spare body in - excellent for backseat make-out sessions

S: Must work under annoying fluorescent lighting MS: Can work by torchlight - or candlelight

S: Keeps their romantic and professional lives strictly separate MS: Tie their dates down on the slab and really go to town

S: Secretly yearn to be Mad Scientists MS: Secretly yearn to rule the world with an army of radioactive gorillas _____________

And also this:

How can you tell if that schoolbus in front of you is for retards or for normal kids?

If the bus is full of retards, they will be randomly thrashing about, banging their heads on the windows, displaying funny faces, and making rude and ludicrous noises.

If the bus is full of normal kids, they will be randomly thrashing about, banging their heads on the windows, displaying funny faces, making rude and ludicrous noises - AND holding signs up to the window that say "I WANT TO SUK YOUR COCK CALL ME ***-***-**** (phone number not listed to prevent harassment of a minor)" and prominently displaying the cell phone in the other hand.

The human female displaying this sign appeared to be about twelve; also, even if it wasn't retarded, it seemed to believe that I was a male human. _____________

And this was not on her web page, but it's also by her:

"Curious George liked riding in the big shiny limousine! He looked at the grassy knoll and saw a bright flash just before his brains exploded out of his skull.

And Jackie ate of the brains, and they were good."

Kevin Underwood: "The average American lifespan is approximately 75 years. School takes up 17 (counting college), sleep takes another 23. You've got 35 years left, make them count. Unfortunately, depending on where you live, several of those years will be spent in traffic. And you're outnumbered 6 billion to 1 on this planet."

On having lunch at Sonics: Time for a patented Kevin Underwood bitch fest.

I went to Sonic for lunch today. It was completely nasty. My bacon cheeseburger was cold, and the bun was hard, and the whole thing tasted like it was a couple of hours old. The chili-cheese fries were also very cold. The chili and cheese had turned into a hard mass and only was on about a third of the fries anyway. The fries themselves were cold and hard too. And they only gave me a plastic spoon to eat it with. A plastic fork would have been nice. The spoon would have worked if the food had been fresh, but a spoon would not cut through the hard, coagulated mess. They also only gave me one napkin. Even my drink was gross. I got a Route 44 size cherry limeade. The drink, while red, had no cherry flavor. It just tasted like a limeade, and a really strong, sour one at that. Even ordering the food was a hassle. I pressed the little button, and had to wait three or four minutes before anyone answered. And they weren't even busy, there were four cars there besides me. And the lady who took my order didn't know what she was doing. She could barely work the headset, it sounded like, and then when she read the order back to me she said, "that's a Sonic Bacon Cheeseburger, a large chili-cheese fry, and a small, I mean, Route 44, cherry limeade. That'll be $4.67, I mean, $7.67." That's another thing I don't like about Sonic, they are too exspensive. That's why I hardly ever eat there.

And then, while I was waiting for my food, I noticed something else that bothers me. Spelling and grammar mistakes on signs. I noticed a store across the street and painted on the front window was, "Used furniture and appliances," only furniture was spelled "furnituer."

Then I decided to drive out to the lake to eat my meal. I don't really have any complaints about that, except that on the ground right outside my car door was a ripped pair of black panties. Oh well, at least it wasn't used condoms like usual.

He has fat man breasts.

On Thanksgiving 2002, his greeting:

Happy Thanksgiving you Bastards and She-Bastards. I hope you choke on your fucking turkey.

Thursday, November 28, 2002

I got my ass kicked last night. Crystal, a new girl at work, and one of three Crystals we have working there now, kicked my ass. Not in a bad, "I hate you" way, but in something like an "I like you" way, I think. She's strong too, I asked her if she'd ever had some kind of fight training, but she said no, she just get's in fights a lot. She started out kinda playfully swatting me with things, but then she advanced to using her fists and hitting really hard. By the time the night was over, all she had to do was make a sudden movement and I'd flinch. I have bruises today, and knots in my arms where she kept punching me, and a bruise on my chest where she tried to pinch my fat man-breasts. She's one of the most hyper girls I've ever met. She sings and dances around the lobby, and jumps around, and talks constantly. It's kind of annoying, but cute at the same time. I was trying to sweep the lobby with the dust mop, and she started dancing around stepping on the dust mop, and then eventually just stood on it and made me pull her around the lobby. When I complained about the beatings she told me to quit being such a pansy and hit her back. I didn't hit her though. But once I grabbed her arms so she couldn't hit me, so she started trying to knee me in the crotch. She didn't though. Oh, and she bit me once too.

So I'm sore and bruised today, but it was fun. She can kick my ass anytime.

posted by Kevin @ 6:14:15 PM

Happy Thanksgiving you Bastards and She-Bastards. I hope you choke on your fucking turkey.

Thanksgiving is a pretty boring holiday for me. My family doesn't get together very much, especially now that all my grandparents are dead. So Thanksgiving for me is just me and my parents and my sister. And our dinner isn't much different from any other dinner of the year, except it has turkey and dressing, and we eat it somewhere between noon and 2:00.

If I let it, Thanksgiving would probably be a depressing holiday for me. Friday, November 27, 1998, two of my good friends became statistics. One of over 700 accidents on that day.

Genie and Tim both worked with me at Carl's Jr., I had worked with Genie for over a year, and Tim for longer than that. Tim was one of my managers, but we were friends, and Genie...well, I loved her. I had been in love with her ever since she started working there. I never told her or anything, so she didn't know. We were friends, but she didn't know how much I loved her, how much I longed for her.

Anyway, Genie and Tim were an item, they had been going out for a few months, and they were going shopping, or something, the day after Thanksgiving. They were headed North on I-35 and their tire blew out, causing them to lose control. They went out of control, spun, I think. and eventually crossed the median and ended up sitting in the South-bound lanes of I-35, were they were hit by a van travelling at full highway speeds. The car burst into flames. Genie survived, because she didn't have her seatbelt on, and was thrown through the windsheild. She survived, but was injured very badly. Tim, who did have his sealtbelt on was trapped in the car, and burned beyond any recognition. They had to use his dental records to identify the body.

Genie was taken, by helicopter, I think, to a hospital in Oklahoma City, she was unconscious for a day or two, and ended up being in the hospital for about three weeks. I don't remember the exact day she got out, but it was just a few days before my birthday, which is the 19th of December. Two or three days before, I think. I didn't get to go see her the first couple of days, but after that I went and sat with her every day except one day I had to miss, because of bad weather or something. I don't remember. I don't remember much from that year. It was a very bad year. This accident was only part of it. I spent most of that year in a depressed stupor, and don't remember much.

I went to see Genie every day, and I'd sit there with her for several hours every day. I was usually her only visitor, for some reason her family hardly ever even came to see her. I sat with her for hours, even when she was asleep, or knocked out with drugs. I fed her when she was too drugged up with morphine to feed herself. I sat and talked to her, read to her, or just watched tv with her, and I looked after her while she slept. Looking after her was pretty much the only thing that kept me going those weeks.

I admit, I also had a selfish reason for taking care of her. I hoped she would love me for it. I hoped that when she finally got over Tim, and felt ready for another relationship, she would perhaps come to me. But instead, only a couple of weeks after getting out of the hospital, she started dating some new guy at work that she'd only known a couple of days. I couldn't believe she started dating that soon afterwards. And she wasn't a bad person or anything, who didn't care for her ex, or anything like that. She's one of the nicest girls I've ever known. Genie, and Gary, the guy she started dating, were together for some time, I think they even ended up getting married. They had a kid, too. But Gary treated her badly, and they got divorced, or broke up or whatever. I don't really know what happened to her, as she quit Carl's Jr. sometime after the wreck. I've only seen her a couple of times in the last couple of years.

When she started dating Gary instead of me, I was heartbroken, to say the least. And came the closest I'd ever come to commiting suicide, something I thought about a lot that year.

I just realized something. They just got done redoing the surface of the highway, and so I guess they finally paved over the accident site. Until a couple of months ago, you could still see the burn mark where it melted the highway. And to this day there are still flowers in the median at the accident site. I don't know who puts them there.

Oh, and the van that hit them? I don't think anyone in it died, but the were injured pretty badly, among them a little girl who they said would have to have years of surgery to get her face looking normal again.

Happy Thanksgiving.

posted by Kevin @ 5:59:07 PM

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

I think my Bonsai tree is dying, but I'm not sure. It's losing all its leaves. Maybe it just loses its leaves in the winter like a normal tree. This is the first winter I've had it, I got it last Spring. The leaves aren't changing color though, and they don't look diseased or anything. They are green and perfectly healthy looking, but they are falling off at quite an alarming rate.

posted by Kevin @ 12:45:04 PM

Yes, I'm still alive, and, no, I'm not giving up on this blog. Not yet. I've just been really busy the last few days. I've barely even been home the last three or four days. My best friend, Chris, who's in the Navy, is home on leave for a month. So we've been hanging out the last several days. He bought this DVD set of Beavis and Butthead episodes, so we set around watching that and drinking one night. Three hours of Beavis and Butthead. It was great, I havent seen that show in years. If they ever made a live action Beavis and Butthead movie, Chris could be Butthead. Ever since that show came out people have been pointing out how much Chris looks, sounds, and acts, like Butthead. Except he's not that stupid.

Then the next night we went to Huxtlers, a pool hall. I don't really like pool, but that's all Chris wants to do most of the time. We didn't really go to play pool though, we went because there had been an OU game that night, and there would probably be a lot of OU college girls out drinking. The place was full of college students, but unfortunately, most of them were guys, and the few girls that were there were all with guys. There was this one absolutely gorgeous girl there, but she was all over her boyfriend most of the time.

I really suck at pool.

Yesterday Chris' parents gave him an early Christmas present. Metroid Prime, for the GameCube, so we sat around playing that for a few hours. I want that game. I'd played a demo of it before and had already decided I had to have it. The problem is, I'll have to buy a gamecube first. After we played that for a few hours we went and hung out at Carls Jr. for a while and talked to Daniel. We also threw things at Shasta, and the new girl, Crystal, came out and talked to us some too. Crystal is one of the most hyper people I've ever seen. Alicia looked like she was upset or something, I hardly saw her the entire time I was there.

So, I've been busy actually almost having a life the last few days. And I've also been busy falling in love with a girl who will remain nameless here. For now, anyway.

posted by Kevin @ 12:35:03 PM

Friday, November 15, 2002

posted by Kevin @ 12:10:23 AM

Thursday, November 14, 2002

Yesterday I bought the Star Wars Episode II and the Lord of the Rings Extended Edition DVDs. So I spent pretty much the entire day today watching them. This day off sucked. Well, the movies were cool, but it sucks that my entire day off was sucked up by them. I did absolutely nothing today. The only time I even left the house was to walk to the end of the driveway to check the mail.

I have 390 MP3s on my computer and can't find anything to listen to.

When we finally get 500 cable channels, that means that when you are channel surfing, if you spent 5 seconds on each channel, it would take you 40 minutes to find out there's nothing on. And by that time, new shows would be on the first channels you went past, so you'd have to do it all over again.

I can hear you now. "5 SECONDS?! What kind of channel surfing amateur are you? Watch THIS!" clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclicklclickclickclick "HA! Check that shit out! 30 channels in two seconds, bitch!"

Here's some links, I hope you choke. The Cap'n's Unfortunate Valetine's Cards Check this shit out. It's funny, bitch. Pseudo-Dictionary Now you'll know what they mean the next time someone calls you a monet, you ugly bastard. Or she-bastard.

Now leave me alone.

posted by Kevin @ 11:48:30 PM

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

I forgot to wash my hair today. I took a shower, but I totally forgot to wash my hair, and didnt realize until I'd already gotten out of the shower and dried off and gotten dressed. For some reason I do most of my best thinking in the shower, so I always take showers on "autopilot," I just totally zone out and bathe without even having to think about what I'm doing. Today, though, I was deeper in thought than usual, and my routine got mixed up and I totally forgot to shampoo my hair. Even at the end when I was rinsing my hair I was thinking, "wait, why are there no suds?" I finally decided I must have been so deep in thought I had rinsed my hair already and not realized it. But then after I got out of the shower I went to comb my hair and I was like "why does my hair feel like this, it feels weird. It feels like it hasn't been washed." Then I realized what must have happened. So my hair sucks today, if I even go one day without washing it, it gets really oily. Which is weird, because I have really dry skin, my nose is the only place I have oily skin. But my hair is so oily right now it's water resistant and will be so water resistant tomorrow I will have to wash it twice. Once to cut through the oil, and a second time to get it clean.

Don't think I have bad personal hygiene or something. I have good hygiene, maybe not the best in the world, but better than a lot of people. About half the guys I work with smell like they have never heard of deoderant. Sometimes it's so bad you can barely be in the same area of the store as them. I try to keep myself clean, in fact I'm slightly obsessive compulsive when it comes to washing my hands and face. I'm not one of these people who scrub their hands raw every five minutes and freaks out about dirty hands. But I do wash my hands whenever I get the chance, at home it's probably about once every half hour or so, it depends on what I'm doing. I don't stop what I'm doing to go wash my hands, but if I'm up I'll probably wash my hands. At work I was my hands probably about every 15 minutes or so, less often if I'm busy and don't have the time. Washing your hands often is good when you work at a restaurant (is that right? I've never been able to spell that word for some reason). And when I wash my hands I usually wipe my face with the towel or paper towels to keep it clean.

Ok, enough about my hygiene habits.

I'm still learning and relearning computer things. You may, or may not, have noticed, I still don't have anything on my website, other than something like 105 links. That's because I still don't know how I'm going to design the site, what kind of layout I want it to have, and because I've been doing other things. Now I'm into the whole open source, free OS, stick it to Microsoft (M$) scene. I'm learning Unix at the moment, and may try using Linux sooner or later, and I have stopped using Internet Explorer and have started using Mozilla. Mozilla rules! It's much better than IE or Netscape.

On a related note, Bill Gates has announced that he's going to leave most of his money to charity, not to his wife or kids. He says he will make sure they have enough money to be "comfortable," but it's not good for kids to grow up with billions of dollars. But wait, does he know something we don't? ( I can just hear him saying "Duh, I know lots of things you don't.") The kids are already born, they will grow up living in a family that has billions of dollars, this doesn'y make sense. Could Bill Gates be on the verge of death? Is he hiding something from us?

We can all hope.

It has been reported that one of Bill Gates favorite things is to yell abuse at his employees, berating their ideas. One of his favorite phrases is "that's the stupidest fucking idea I've ever heard!" Or so I've been told.

posted by Kevin @ 11:44:16 PM

Friday, November 08, 2002

(Okay, I wrote this late last night, but once again I was having connection problems and couldn't get it online until this morning.)

It's 2:20 as I start to write this, and I'm wide awake and hyper, and I have no idea why. I've been living off caffiene the last few days, but not today. Caffiene has almost no effect on me anyway. The last few nights at work I've been consuming large quantities of Dr Pepper, a large coffee or two, and three or four "Jolt" caffienated mints, and it doesn't do a thing to me hardly. But today I've hardly had any caffiene at all, and for some reason I am very hyper. I was talking to one of my friends in an instant message earlier, and I just kept talking and talking and talking and talking and talking. Right from one subject to another with no pause at all. I was sending large messages faster than he could read them, and he reads as fast as I do. I just kept getting worse, after a while I couldn't even stay sitting down, but now I've calmed down a lot. I'm still not tired though.

Pretty busy day today. Not really anything important, but I kept myself busy. I woke up at 10 am today, which is a little early for me, I've been trying to sleep less lately, that's why I've been using so much caffiene. I usually sleep at least 8 hours a night, sometimes 9 or more if I'm off work the next day. I usually go to sleep around 2:30 - 3:00 and then wake up at 11:00 or 11:30, but the last few days I've been going to sleep around 3:00 or 4:00 and getting up around 10:00. That's still more sleep than most people I know. Half the people I know get like 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night.

So anyway, I woke up early and got around early, instead of laying around watching tv like I usually do in the morning. I was out of the house by 11:30 today, I'm usually barely awake by that time. I went to Best Buy to be a geek and check out the computers and electronics. I ended up buying the "The White Stripes" album. It came with a DVD of some of their videos too, including that cool Lego "Fell in Love with a Girl" video. All for only $13.99. I also got a new Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) DVD. I already had the "The Brain that Wouldn't Die" episode, today I bought "The Crawling Hand." It's a really old one, like one of the first episodes. From 1989. I didn't even know MST3K was around that long ago. I first learned about it about 7 years ago I think. But we don't get Comedy Central or the Sci-Fi channel around here, so I've only seen a few episodes. Maybe 10 at the most. This episode was so old Dr. Forrester had a different assistant, Larry, instead of Frank. And Tom had a weird voice too. It was deeper than the voice he had in later episodes. Gyspy and Cambot looked different too. It wasn't very good, not that well made, or funny, except for when they were watchint the movie. That was still hilarious. They kept making hand jokes. Like when the guy first found this "dead" hand on the beach he put it in a sack and took it home, and Tom says, "Good thing he brought a handbag."

I'm also learning Unix now. I went to the bookstore and bought a book on how to use the Unix shell that Macs OS X is built on. Unix can be tough from what I hear, but I don't think I'll have much trouble with it. I like text-interfaces. I used to be really good at DOS. I was very mad when Microsoft phased out DOS. I used to have lots of fun making DOS Batch (.bat) files.

Found several good websites today too: Tubcat That's the biggest fucking cat I've ever seen. And is that for real? Not the cat, but the text. Look at that horrible spelling! That's so bad I can't decide if the person really types like that, or if they did that on purpose. Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues When you think of the trouble the Catholic Church has been getting in, some of these statues look really bad. Such as the Baseball one. Squirrel Terrorizes Town Hilarious, in a cruel sort of way. I love squirrels. The Explosive Demolition Photo Gallery Cool.

posted by Kevin @ 2:50:42 AM

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

This site is great. It's a comic series made using characters from the original Final Fantasy game. It's very funny, but so far there are over 200 comics. Nuklear Power

posted by Kevin @ 10:56:00 PM

Ok, I haven't been writing much, sue me. Go ahead, sue me, it's not like you'll get anything, unless you like books.

I've been busy becoming a geek. Again. I used to be a computer geek, years ago. My junior and senior years at high school I took a Vo-Tech course in Computer Electronics. When I first went to college I was a computer major. I wanted to be a computer programmer, I took a class in C++, but I dropped out of college before I completed it. I took and passed a course in QBasic though, a language that isn't even used anymore, but for some reason it was still a required course. I soon became disillusioned with computers, though, and I didn't really care about them anymore, and I've been that way for two or three years now. I still like computers, and like using them, especially the internet, but I didn't care about how they worked anymore, and I didn't want a computer job anymore. But now the last couple of weeks I've been getting back into computers and programming again. I may take computer courses again if I ever go back to school, and try to get some kind of programming job. Call me weird, but that kind of career appeals to me. Sitting in a cubicle 12+ hours a day working for Microsoft or something. I've always wanted a job in a cubicle. The main thing I don't like about jobs like that is that they are very stressful and life sucking, and have very long hours. At some of them it's not uncommon to work more than 12 hours a day. But I want a cubicle job, surrounded by other geeks. One of my favorite books is "Microserfs." Even though it does dwell on the negative aspects of this line of work, this book, and Dilbert comics, are the main things that got me interested in this type of career.

I have become a geek again, and it feels good. I like being a geek. I like computers, and coding, and electronic gadgets.

posted by Kevin @ 10:49:58 PM

Sunday, November 03, 2002

I have found the greatest shopping site on the internet! If you're a geek that is, which I am. This site has all the essentials for geeks, from computers, to gadgets, to scheduled deliveries of Jolt Cola. Mmmm, Jolt Cola.

ThinkGeek

I could very easily spend all my money here.

Had a pet hamster.

And now, presenting...Satan's Cheerleaders!

Who loves Satan? We love Satan! Who loves Satan? We love Satan! Satan! (Satan) Satan! (Satan) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY SATAN!

Sorry, that just popped into my head, and I had to share.

Sunday, October 09, 2005 Argh.

So, I never wrote the other day like I promised, but that's because something happened. So now I can write about what I was going to write about, combined with the new developments.

If everything had gone as planned, I would be in California right now. That's what I was going to write about the other day, me and Melissa finally had all our plans set for me to come visit her in California. She is on vacation this week, and I was going to go to California to visit her while she was on vacation. I had my plane tickets bought and everything, I got some great deals. But then, a few days ago, she called me up in the middle of the night and said I couldn't come anymore.

She had gotten all depressed, thinking about her ex again, and said she was too depressed for me to come. But worst of all, she gave me the old "lets just stay friends" talk. I hate that thing. I've heard it so many times I know it by heart.

I guess I'm just too nice, women all want to be friends with me. Even girls I don't like have told me what a nice guy I am, and, as if that wasn't bad enough, I've even been told that "I actually forget you're a guy, I don't even think of you as a guy, you're like one of the girls to me."

That fucking hurts.

But anyway, Melissa cancelled the trip. My plane tickets are non-refundable, so she said she'll pay me back, but it will have to be in small payments over a period of time. I don't know how she'll do it though, she already owes her dad a bunch of money she borrowed from him. I actually feel bad about her having to pay me back.

Like I said, I'm too nice. I should be mad at her. I should be like "Bitch, you better pay me back!" Instead, I feel bad about her paying me back. I'm pathetic. I let people walk all over me in social situations. I inconvenience myself just so other people can get what they want. Like if I was in one of those Christmas rush things, where everyone is frantic trying to buy the season's hot toy, if I got to the toy first, and it was the last one, I'd give it to the next person so they could have it.

I'm not mad at Melissa though. Dissappointed, but not mad. I could never be mad at her.

What really gets me about the whole "lets be friends" thing, is that they always say they don't want to date because "I don't want to ruin our special friendship." What they don't seem to understand is that that pretty much ruins the friendship as well, because it's pretty much impossible to stay friends with someone you are so in love with, but they don't want you. It hurts to talk to them, or hang out with them, because the whole time all you can think about is how badly you want them and can't have them.

And I do love Melissa, I love her more than anything. Maybe it's stupid, considering that we've only met once, for a few hours once, and she had a boyfriend at the time, so nothing happened. So you might think it's stupid to be so in love with someone you've hardly even met, but I don't think it is.

Ok, I've got other stuff I could write about, but that's the most important of the stuff that's happened recently, so I will save the others for another time.

Thursday, September 08, 2005 The Past

I did a lot of thinking today. I spent most of my work day lost in thought as I performed the mindless, physical tasks. Well, I spend most of the days like that, but even more so today. I was just thinking better, or something, clearer. It was one of those days I have once in a great while where I think about my past, and remember things I had forgotten.

I realized today, that one of the (many) reasons I like Melissa so much is that she reminds me of what I've lost. Of how I used to be. Melissa is often silly, and goofy, and makes her coworkers laugh. I used to be like this, years ago. Back when I was in school, I was always well known. I wasn't popular, no one liked me much, but everyone knew me, because I was so weird and funny. Sometimes, people I didn't even know would come up to me in the hall and say things like "Do something weird," or, "Do the chipmunk laugh." Even as far back as elementary school I would get in trouble every day for talking too much, and being too loud. Such a far cry from my present state of complete and total shyness and timidness.

1998 was the year that a large part of me died. Well, part of it was in 1999, but most of it was 1998. In all it was a period of about a year. I usually refer to this year span as "the longest year of my life."

I graduated from high school in 1998, and most of my friends, except for Chris, either joined the military, or went off to college, so I didn't see them much anymore. This caused me to retreat even further into the world of online chatrooms, which I had been battling an obsession with for two or three years. My main obsession was an AOL chat room called "Witty." It was full of great people. Regulars who were always in there, and I became great friends with many of them. It wasn't your regular AOL chat room, the Witty regulars were all a little more intelligent than your usual chat room inhabitants. They discouraged people talking in all internet slang abbreviations and A/S/L checks, and things like that, so the idiocy was kept to a minimum. It was here that I met Melissa. I don't remember exactly when, it was sometime in 1998, I don't remember if it was before or after I graduated. We became very good friends almost immediately. I had a crush on her even back then, but she had a boyfriend, but we still were good friends. Then, a few months later, about the time I went off to college, she was going to lose her internet access for a few months, I don't remember exactly why. This was another major blow, I lost another one of my best friends. It was about this time I started getting really depressed.

I went to college, and this was a MAJOR blow. I'd always been shy around people, even though I was always goofing off and being the class clown in the past, I was still shy in certain situations, especially when it came to one-on-one human interaction. Goofing off for a class full of people I could handle. But trying to talk to just one person made me nervous. It had never really been much of a problem before, though, but when I went to college, it got out of control. As time went by, I kept getting more and more nervous and scared. There were just too many people around, even though I was going to a small college. I started to get panic attacks. I'd skip class and just sit in my car for hours, or sit in the library, in the stacks where there weren't any people, and read. Anything so that I wouldn't have to go to class, or walk through the people-filled halls. Then I got so bad I couldn't even work up the courage to go into the library anymore.

And at the same time I was fighting this crippling social phobia, other things were going on which just added to my mental strain. Me and Melissa were writing real letter to each other, but I hate writing letters for some reason, just like I hate talking on the phone, so we only exchanged a couple of letters. Well, she wrote me four, but I only sent on or two. I'd sit there in the library hiding, and try to write a letter to her, but I just couldn't and this depressed me even more, because I thought she would think I hated her or something, and I would lose her as a friend permanently.

Also, I was failing all my classes, mostly because I never went to them, and, even when I did, I couldn't pay attention because I had so much more on my mind, or couldn't stay awake. I only slept a couple of hours a night, because my chat room dependency was getting worse and worse. I would sit in the chat room for hours and hours every night, talking to pretty much the only friends I had.

After I lost contact with Melissa, I fell in love with one of my coworkers at Carl's Jr. Her name was Genie. I was very in love with her, but, like always, I never said anything to her, I never told her I liked her, or asked her out. We were friends, and talked to each other a lot at work, but that was all we were. Then, she started dating a guy that also worked there at Carl's, who was also my friend. His name was Tim. This made me even more depressed, but I didn't give up hope that maybe they'd break up or something, and someday I'd have a chance with her. In time, I would come to regret ever hoping that something would cause them to separate.

Then, it all came to a head at once. The strain of all these problems, especially the social phobia, was too much to bear. I was in danger of having a mental breakdown at any moment. So I finally decided that I would have to drop out of college. I went to my mom, and told her for the first time, about my depression and social phobia, I'd never told anyone before, not even my best friend Chris. I told my mom, and told her about my social anxiety problem, and that I was going to drop out of college and start going to a psychiatrist. She didn't really understand my problem, and still doesn't (whenever I try to talk about how shy I am around people, her answer is, "Just stop, don't be that way."), but she was supportive anyway. So I dropped out of college, this was in early November. I never did see a psychiatrist, because as soon as I dropped out, I started feeling a little better, and I hated the idea of going to one because I knew all they'd do is give me pills.

And then, towards the end of November, the shit really hit the fan.

Friday, November 27th, 1998. The day after Thanksgiving. The biggest shopping day of the year, and also one of the worst days of the year for automobile accidents. On this day, two of my friends, including the woman I loved, became a statistic.

Me and my mom and sister had all been out shopping most of the day too, and, as we were driving back to Purcell, going south on I-35, we drove over a spot where you could tell there had been a horrible wreck recently. The road itself was actually melted in one place. Then, when we got home, I got the phone call. Genie and Tim had been in a horrible wreck. Tim was dead, and Genie probably wouldn't make it. It turned out the spot we had driven over was where the wreck had happened. They were driving northbound, and had a blow out, and spun out of control, they went clear across the median, into the southbound lanes, where they spun into a large van going full highway speed. Genie wasn't wearing her seatbelt, was thrown something like 20 feet through the windshield. Ironically, this is what saved her. Tim, who was wearing his seatbelt, was still trapped in the car when it burst into flames. He burned to death, and was burned so badly they had to use dental records to identify him.

Up until they re-paved the highway just a year or so ago, you could still see the burn mark on the highway. It was an almost daily reminder for me of the accident. Also, someone kept flowers there in the median of the highway at all time for many years. I don't know who, some of Tim's family, I guess.

I went to Tim's funeral, and I also went to see Genie in the hospital every day. She did make it through, but she was in the hospital until December 18, the day before my birthday. I went and saw her every day, and I would sit there for hours. Even the days she was unconscious, or so doped up on morphine she barely even knew who she was. Even when she was conscious, she'd still be so doped up I had to help her eat. Most days I was the only visitor she had, her family hardly ever even came to see her. Partly because it was about an hour's drive to even get to the hospital she was at. But I drove it every day, and sat with her every day.

I felt like a horrible person. Because in the back of my mind, a voice kept telling me, "Hey, she's single now, just give her a couple of months to get over the loss of Tim, and then make your move." I'd tell that voice to shut up, and stop thinking things like that, but it kept coming back.

Of course, this made me slip farther and farther into depression. She got out of the hospital on the 18th, and I spent the next couple of weeks in a state of deep depression. I would drive around aimlessly in my car for hours, listening to depressing music, and thinking depressing thoughts. Actually, it wasn't exactly aimless. Most of the time was spent driving around Lexington, where Genie lived, trying to get up the courage to visit her at her home. I was just biding my time, remaining her friend, until the day I thought it was safe to ask her out. And then she shocked and surprised me. Just a couple of days after she got out of the hospital, some other guy at Carl's asked her out for New Years, and she accepted. I couldn't believe it. It was too soon after Tim's death. I was shocked by this, and also depressed further by the fact that it wasn't me who was going out with her.

I spent the next few months in a state of deep depression, and seriously thought about killing myself on several occasions, but never had the nerve to go through with it. Which made me feel even worse. I was such a coward. I was too afraid to talk to people, too afraid to ask girls out even after being in love with them for months. I was even too afraid to kill myself even though I wanted to.

Over time I started getting a little better, but I battled depression for a couple of years. I still have the social phobia, and very occasionally small bouts of depression, but I'm much better than I was then, at least when it comes to the depression.

But still, over the last year or so I find myself becoming more and more detached from the world. I almost never leave the apartment except to go to work or my parents' house, and when I do leave the apartment, I walk around like a zombie, with a blank expression on my face, not looking at anything or anyone. In fact, the last couple of months, I've noticed that my eyesight is going, probably because my eyes are getting weak. Whenever I'm out of the house, I never focus on anything, I stare blankly ahead, operating on a sort of fuzzy peripheral vision. The only things I ever really focus on and look at are books or computer screens for hours on end, which strains my eyes further. When I'm not safe in my apartment, I am silent and expressionless, looking at nothing. I have no personality. If someone says hi to me, I either ignore them, or grunt out a small "hi," or "ok," if they ask me how I'm doing. It gets worse every day, I withdraw farther and farther into myself with each passing week.

My spirit has been totally crushed. Anyone who looks into my eyes can see this.

I wish I could be like I used to be. I wish I could be like Melissa.

I wish I could be human.

posted by Kevin @ 9:00:00 PM 12 comments

12 Comments: At 3:03 PM, Jinky Williams said... Found this totally by a random search on Google.

I'm incredibly sorry to hear that your life has not been the rosiest.

For whatever it's worth, let me know if you'd like to chat about anything.

Feel free to drop me a line any time at [email protected]

Sometimes it's just good to blarf to a complete stranger.

At 5:45 AM, Steph said... Your story really moved me. I hope things get better for you soon.

At 8:56 PM, S said... If he had only killed himself then...Jamie Rose Bolin would still be alive. What a horrible tragedy.

At 3:27 AM, Brian said... S, that is really uncalled for. Maybe you should grow up and realize that people are not one-dimensional good or evil cartoon characters. It's pretty clear that this was no hannibal lector- he was an ordinary guy who had emotional problems and events that made it all spiral into something horrible.

Speaking as the brother of somebody who suffers similar depression and anxiety, I have seen first-hand what control it can have over an otherwise good-natured, decent person, if it's not treated. It doesn't seem like anybody really stepped in in the time that Kevin needed help.

You're right that this is a tragedy- two peoples lives have been lost for no reason, and their families will never recover from this.

At 5:09 PM, Anonymous said... Brian, there is no justification for murder, much less murder, rape and partial decapitation.

"Jamie's unclothed body was inside the tub, along with a towel used to soak up blood, officials said. Police said that, while there were deep saw marks on the girl's neck, she had not been dismembered."

I do know about depression and my heart mourns for the lives lost by the hands of humans like this.

At 7:43 PM, Anonymous said... Hey Brian, I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety, and when I read what this fucking bastard did to Jamie Rose Bolin, I threw up. It's great that you can show compassion and even-handedness, but don't be surprised when there are others--even others who understand the hell and surreality of mental illness--are openly angry and want to vent it at someone as deserving as this goddamned animal.

At 8:03 PM, Keith said... Am I completely demented for finding this absolutely fascinating? We've got this culture of antisocial voyeurism built in---Hannibal Lecter and Jeffrey Dahmer are cultural icons who draw us in even as we find them morally revolting. Anyone else seen "Natural Born Killers"? Something like that. Or this.

But Kevin, at least here in his blog, doesn't give us that alien larger-than-life kind of feel. Shit, some of his posts sound awfully similar to mine. You can't help but empathize. Which is what makes all of this so maddeningly intriguing. Is he a brutal, relentless monster, or just "an ordinary guy who had emotional problems and events that made it all spiral into something horrible"? How do you fit this impression of a normal-seeming (if deeply troubled) guy with subsequent unspeakable horrors?

I don't know. But there's certainly more to it than either this blog or the news articles are covering.

Okay I'm done being creeped the fuck out today. Now I can go back to reading feel-good news articles about war, genocide, and terrorism.

At 8:46 PM, Anonymous said... Holy shit! This is too much like my own life. I am going to seek help of a mentalhealth professional TODAY! I don't want to end up killing some kid because I am nuts. What the hell? I don't think I could do something like that, but maybe Kevin once thought he couldn't either. Too bad medicine and phsyciatrist are too expensive. :(

At 9:14 PM, Anonymous said... I truly feel sorry for this guy. He is mentally ill. I'm glad he will be put out of his misery soon.

At 9:36 PM, neti said... sad story of depresion and social isolation and loss of family values

At 10:08 PM, Anonymous said... Burn in fucking hell you sick fucking animal.

At 11:00 PM, Anonymous said... I almost feel sad. Almost. I feel sad for the girl, but not this loser.

Thursday, July 14, 2005 The sunlight... it BURNS!

I really need to get out of the house more. I was doing great there for a while, leaving, and going places, and actually enjoying being out in public, but ever since I started this new job, I've hardly left the house. It's not shyness or anything again really, it's just laziness. I don't feel like doing shit on my days off now. I hardly even go shopping anymore. I haven't had any milk or bagels in probably close to two months. I don't buy milk at the stores where I buy all my other groceries. I buy it at Braums, because it's the cheapest place around here on milk, and I just haven't felt like making the trip to an extra store just to get some milk and bagels. Even if I'm out already, and doing all my other shopping, I just don't feel like going to any more stores than I have to. I hardly even leave the house on my days off, I just sit here at the computer, or watching a DVD or something all day.

One reason I hate to leave my apartment now is all the idiots that are always outside it. Over the last month or so, every apartment in the building I'm in (the apartment complex is made up of several buildings, each with 8 apartments) has become inhabited by a bunch of young idiots that all know each other, and so hang out around the staircase right outside my door all day and night being loud and drinking, and hooting and hollering, while their kids are tied up on fucking leashes so they don't have to worry about them running off while they're sitting there making complete asses of themselves. They are all probably around 18 to 20. Several guys, bt mostly girls. The only good thing about the situation is that the girls are often out there in bikinis, because they've been swimming in the pool. And one of them always says hi to me, and tried to have a conversation with me once, because we used to work together. They're all like 20 year-old single mothers. The guys are complete asses too. One of them kept banging against the wall of my apartment with a hard-hat yesterday. I have no fucking idea why he had a hard-hat, or why he was banging on my wall with it, over and over again. I kept looking out the window at him, and he'd stop for a few minutes, then start again. And some of them have "written" on my air conditioner, which is not good for it. You know how on the outside of those old window units, they have the metal mesh-like thing, that bends really easily, and you can just take your finger and like write in it? That's what they've done. I can't tell what it's supposed to say though.

They're all out there right now, I can hear them. They were there when I came home from work four hours ago, and they've been there the whole time. It's like that every day. I want to ask them, "What's the point in paying rent on an apartment if you're never going to actually go in it?"

And then I'll kill them, with that shopping cart that someone has left out in the parking lot.

Questions...

It's been a long time since I did one of these, so here's a really long one of those "about you" things. I got this from Alicia's site.

GENERAL* -Name: Kevin Underwood -Were you named after anyone?: No. -School: None. When I was in College, I went to The University of Science and Arts of Oklahoma. -Mascot: They were The Drovers. -Nicknames: None. -Birthday: December 19th. -Birthplace: Paul's Valley, Oklahoma. -Age: 24 -Grade: None. -Height: Not sure actually, approximately 6 foot. -Hair color: Red. -Eye color: Brown. -Siblings/names: Marci

*OTHER STUFF ABOUT YOU* -Favorite subject in school: Either English or Science. Probably science. I love English class, but I hated writing essays. -Least favorite: Math. -Do you actually like math?: NO! -Who are your best friends?: Chris, Alicia, and Melissa, in no certain order. -How many people are on your buddylist?: 3. -Are you on a sports team?: God, no. I fucking hate sports. -How long are you in the shower: Well, I used to take about 30 minute showers, but now I limit myself to 10 or 15 minutes. -Plans after high school: I've been out of school since 1998, and I still don't know what the fuck I'm going to do with my life. -Whats your least favorite food?: Probably squash. I hate squash. -What's your worst fear?: I honestly couldn't say. There's not really anything that scares me that much. -Best feeling in the world?: Oral Sex. Just kidding. I know what it really meant. Not that I'd know much about it, but the best feeling in the world is when your love for someone is actually returned. -Worst feeling?: Well, I've lived most of my life suffering from depression and social anxiety, so I'd have to say that's one of the worst feelings. Being so nervous around people you can barely leave the house. -Who do you trust the most?: I trust all three of my best friends. And my family. -Who dont you trust?: Everyone but those few I just mentioned. -What college do you go to or want to go to?: None. -Do you have a job?: A sucky one, yes. -Are you bored?: Almost always. -Whats your religion?: None. I'm not really religious at all, but the few beliefs I do have are a complex mix of at least a dozen different religions and cults. -What do you do that makes your friends mad?: Probably lots of stuff. -What do your friends do to make you mad?: Lots of stuff. -Do you have any stuffed animals?: Several. I prefer the term "plushies" though. They are dolls of anime and comic book characters. -Do you have any bad habits?: Yes, many. Biting my nails is one of them. -What are you thinking right now?: Duh, I'm thinking this sentence as I type it. -Are you a vegitarian?: No. I love meat. -Do you smoke?: Very occasionally. -Do you exercize?: Sometimes. Not as much as I should.

*LAST* -CD you bought: The Polyphonic Spree, Together We're Heavy. I highly recommend this cd. -Movie you saw in the theater: Damn, uhhh. Fahrenheit 9/11, I think. -Movie you rented: I haven't rented a movie in years. -Person you kissed: Answer withheld. Though I will say I've only kissed two people in my life. -Phone number you called: The Landlady, to report the domestic disturbance going on next door, but noone was there. -Person that called you: Wouldn't this question most likely have the same answer as the last one? -TV show you watched: I don't have TV. So the last thing I watched was probably Wheel of Fortune over at my parent's house about a week ago. I watch a lot of DVDs though, some of them are of TV shows. -Time you were on a plane: Only once, a couple of years ago, when I went to Nevada to see Chris. -Went swimming in the ocean: Never. I've hardly ever even seen the ocean. I've seen San Francisco Bay, and that's it. -Cried for no reason: For no reason? Probably never. I always have a reason. It might not be a good one, but there's a reason. -Cursed at someone: Today at work. Though not to their face. -Gave someone the finger: Never, except as a joke. I've never seriously flipped anyone off. -Showed-off: I don't. -Went skinny dipping: Never -Cried in public: Not since I was a child. -Let a friend cry on your shoulder: If you mean that literally, never. But friends have cried to me before. -Been thrown in a pool: Not since I was a little kid. -Fell asleep while eating: Never. -Read the bible: A few months ago. -Didn't wash your hair for a week: Never, the longest I've ever gone is two or three days. -Bought ice cream from an ice cream truck: About a month ago. That was the first time in years though.

*HAVE YOU EVER* -Climbed a tree: Yes. -Went skiing: No. -Went snowboarding: No. -Fell asleep during a scary movie: No. -Talked to yourself: Constantly. -Played soccer: Once or twice, during gym class. -Went to a professional baseball game: No, and I don't plan on ever going to one. -Saw a professional baseball game: No. -Sat in a restaurant without ordering: I don't think so. -Ate sushi: Yes, once. Finally, I've been wanting to for years. It was this really cheap buffet sushi, it was barely even real sushi. I want to try some real, authentic sushi soon. -Ate fish: Yes. -Had braces: Yes. -Wanted to die: Yes. -Met a celebrity: No. -Broken something valuable: Nothing valuable really. Just small things. -Had your nails done: No. -Scared to get a shot: Yes. I fucking hate shots. Just thinking about it hurts. -Jay-walked: Yes. -Shopped at abercrombie and fitch: No, and I never will. -Shopped at old navy: Once. -Thought you were in love: Yes, and I usually am. I fall in love very easily. -Had an online relationship: Ugh, several. Never again. And I mean that this time. -Tipped over a porta potty: No. -Made prank phone calls: No. -Took a boat ride: I've only been on one boat in my entire life, and that was the ferry across San Francisco Bay. I've never even been on a little fishing boat. -Caught a fish: Yes. -Snuck out of your house: No. -Gotten caught: Doing what? Sneaking out of the house? Masturbating? I don't think I've ever been caught doing anything I shouldn't have been. -Gone to another country: No. -Wet the bed: I wet the bed until an embarrasingly late age. -T-Ped anyones house: No. -Had your house T-Ped: No. -Broken the law: Who hasn't? Nothing major though, just stuff like speeding. -Killed someone in your thoughts: Constantly. -Been in a car accident: Yes. -Been beat up: Pretty much constantly for the first 16 years of my life. -Beaten up someone before: No. -Skipped school: I skipped college all the time. I never really "skipped" high school or anything. Faked sick a few times and stayed home, but not skipped in the sense of letting my parents think I was going to school, and then not. -Gotten a detention: Several times. -Been stabbed in the back by a "friend": Not that I can recall at this time. -Cried to or with somebody: Yes. Fairly recently.

*FAVORITES* -Actress: None, really. Though I do like Winona Ryder and Mila Jovovich. -Actor: Gary Oldman. Also, Brad Pitt, Edward Norton and Bruce Willis. -Movie: Too many to name. A few of my absolute favorites would be "Fight Club," "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," "Silence of the Hams," and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." -Store: None. -Season: Winter. -Smell: Hmmm, probably the rain. But I also love the smell of a dryer vent when someone is drying cothes and the air is blowing outside. -Sport: None. -Scary movie: I don't like many scary movies. Oh, though I do love "The Ring." -Food: I don't know. I like lots of foods. Chinese Food would have to be my favorite type though. -Color: I've never really had a favorite color. I wear a lot of blacks and greys though. -Restaurant: I don't eat at many restaurants, other than fast food places. Probably the Chong Wah Chinese Restaurant here in Purcell. -Hang out spot: I don't hang out. -Love song: Alicia said "Love Song by the Cure." That is one of my all time favorite songs, but I'd have to say that my favorite love song is probably "To Love Somebody," by the BeeGees. -Type of clothes: Anything that fits. I normally wear khakis and a t-shirt. I haven't worn jeans in years. -Person to talk about the opposite sex with: Perhaps strangely, Melissa. Yes, I talk about women with a woman. -Person to talk about life with: Also Melissa. What's really weird is that Alicia's answers for both of these was Melissa. She was talking about a different Melissa though.

-Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No, and I've never really had one. There was a girl I went out with a few times, but she didn't want a real relationship. -major crush?: Not right now. -Are you a virgin?: No. -If not do you wish you were still?: No. I wish I'd had lots more sex than I have. -What's a big turn-off?: Stupidity. -Big turn-on?: Not really sure what my biggest turn on is. My "type" is definitely smart, I hate stupid people. Also, she has to have a sense of humor, a weird one is best. Oh, my biggest turn on would probably be glasses. I love girls with glasses. I also have a major "thing" for Asian girls, especially Japanese. -Do you want anyone right now?: Yes.

*WHO*....... -Is the last person you said "i love you" to: I haven't told anyone I loved them except for my parents. And I haven't even told them that since I was a very young child. -Is the last person to tell you they love you: My mom. -Do you want to love you: -Would you want to meet: I don't know. Is this anyone ever, or someone who's alive right now. If it was anyone in history, I'd want to meet Albert Einstein, John F. Kennedy, and Lee Harvey Oswald. If it's someone alive right now, I'm not sure. Gary Oldman? -Do you miss: Chris. -Would you die for: Probably my sister. -Is the nicest person you know: Melissa. -Is the meanest person you know: No one. -Is the most attractive person you know: Out of my small circle of friends... Melissa. -Is the ugliest person you know: Several of the people I work with are pretty ugly. -Do you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with: I don't know. -Is the craziest person you know: Hard to say, all three of my friends are really crazy. -Was the last person to make you smile: I don't know. No one, today. -What do your friends mean to you?: A lot. -What is your most prized object?: Probably my computer. Though there's nothing really special about this computer, it could be any computer, as long as it had my files on it. -What are you wearing right now?: You really want to know? Nothing. I'm a part-time nudist. If I'm at home alone, 99% of the time I'm naked.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005 Let's try this again.

I guess I will write a short version of the post I tried to write the other day. Now that I'm back online. My internet has been messed up all day, and I couldn't get on. I don't know what was wrong. I called the company, and they said they'd get someone down here in a day or two to look at the cables in the area, because I think the whole are was messed up. My parents could get online, but it was really really slow. At around 8:30 this evening, it still wasn't working, but now it suddenly is again.

Stupid fucking blogger. I spent at least an hour and a half writing that post the other day. It was huge. But I can boil most of it down to a paragraph or two, though I wish I didn't have to.

To put it simply, last Monday and Wednesday nights, I went to some strip clubs. I'd only been to one other strip club, and that was down in Texas, this was the first time I'd been to any of them around here, so I didn't know which ones were the best. Monday night, I went to one, it was okay, but not that great, so I left and went to a second one. It totally SUCKED, and I will never go there again. Then, Wednesday night, I went to a third one. This one fucking rocked, and I will definitely go back. If I had the money, I'd go every week. I was hoping to go back this Monday or Wednesday, but I'm too broke.

Ok, that right there was about two pages in the original post, because I gave detailed descriptions and reviews of each place, and why they were good or bad. Oh, also, I got my first lap dance at the one I went to Wednesday night. It was great.

And the other thing I talked about in my post was how I was going to sell my old saxophone I haven't played in like 8 years or so, and that if I got enough money, I was going to get an electric guitar. I've always wanted a guitar. I used to want an acoustic one, but now I want an electric one. I was wanting to get one, even though I new it would be a waste of money, as it would probably just be another instrument I'd never learn to play and would sit around collecting dust. Just like all the other instruments I own.

That was the extent of the old post, but now I have new news, such as the results of my attempt to sell the saxophone. I was originally thinking that my parents paid around $2000 dollars for it when they bought it new, and so I was hoping to get at least three or four hundred four it. At least. However, I talked to my mom, and she said she thinks they only paid around $900 for it, maybe $1000. I was still hoping to get $300 for it, though. So I went to sell it Monday, and ended up spending my entire day in Norman, just trying to do that one thing. I got there around 1:00, and they said the guy that buys the instruments back was on lunch break, and would be back around 2:00. So I looked around at their guitar selection for a few minutes. All they had was expensive high end stuff, 99% of it was Fender guitars, and they all cost at least $400. Shawn and Phillip, who both play the guitar, told me that most places have these starter kit things, that come with a guitar and amp for around $120, and that's what I was hoping to get. They had one kit like that there, at the place I was trying to sell the sax at, Norman Music Center, but I couldn't find a price on it. Then I left and went to the comic store to kill some time while I waited. So then I go back around 2:00, and the guy is back, and he tells me they will give me $200 for it. I was hoping to get at least $300, so I told him I wanted to look around at some other places, and I might be back later. So I went to the other major music store in Norman, the only other one I know of, though I'm sure there are many more, Brook Mays Music. I went there, and it turns out that they don't even buy used instruments. The guy that worked there was very rude too. He had an English accent and was very snotty.

So I decided that I would be stuck with the $200, and might as well take it. I looked at Brook Mays Music's guitars while I was there, as they had a better selection, and had some cheap ones. Then I went back to Norman Music Center to sell it for the $200, and the guy was gone again. This time he had gone to pick some stuff up in a whole other town, and would be gone for at least an hour and a half. So I left again. First I just sat out in my car reading the comic book I bought when I went to the comic shop, then I just drove around for a while listening to the radio and stuff. So then, an hour and a half later, I went back, and the guy was back, and I sold the sax. I found out that that one kit was only $129, and contained a guitar, an amp, the cables, a gig bag, and some picks. I got that, and they also sold me an electronic tuner, and I bought a how-to-play book, and a really nice how-to-play computer program. In all, and with tax, it ended up being $206. So, instead of getting a guitar, and having some money left over, like I'd originally been hoping, when I was hoping for $300, I ended up actually spending $6 more than I made.

I can't even start learning to play the thing yet, because I can't even tune it. The tuner is insanely complicated sounding, but actually I think I figured out how to use it. It took me a while, but I think I finally got it tuned right tonight.

Chris and Candice are coming up to Oklahoma to get married either the 2nd or 3rd, they don't even know yet. I didn't even know it, the last I'd heard it was going to be a few more months I thought, and it was supposed to be a big wedding, but now they are just going to have a little court house thing, like his first wedding. (I hate saying that, makes me feel like I'm being rude or something.) I'm the best man again, so I need to go out sometime in the next few days and buy something nice to wear. Actually, I need to check my closet first. I have some nice clothes, like I wore last time, but I don't think any of them will fit me anymore. I have pants and shoes to wear, but I need to try on my shirts, and get a new one if I need it. I only have until next Tuesday or Wednesday.

Today I went and applied at a job I saw in the paper. I really hope I get it, but I really doubt I will. I'm probably just not what they're looking for, I'm probably too young. It's a job for a Resident Manager at some apartment complex way up in Oklahoma City. The pay is only a little more than I'm making now, but it's also free rent and utilities. So I'd be making about the same as I am now, but with no bills. It's $1000 a month, before taxes. Right now I'm make I think around $960 to $980 a month before taxes, but I also have to pay rent and electricity. The ad said no experience necessary, and that they'd train, but I don't know what my chances are. Especially since when I was up there, there were lots of other people applying. Most of them older guys in suits who are much more qualified than I am.

Ok, that's it for now again. And yes, I remembered to copy this text before I try to post it this time. That's something I won't forget again for some time.

This post ended up being pretty large too, but it's still not quite as large as the one I lost.

posted by Kevin @ 9:01:03 PM 2 comments

Monday, January 24, 2005 FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! I JUST SPENT OVER AN HOUR WRITING A HUGE POST AND BLOGGER ATE IT!!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU BLOGGER!

And now I must go cry.

posted by Kevin @ 9:13:04 AM 0 comments

Friday, January 21, 2005 Arrrr!

posted by Kevin @ 11:01:21 PM 0 comments

Thursday, January 20, 2005 A New Word

I have just accidentally invented a new word. Horriffle. It's a combination of "Horrible," and "Horrifying." And of course it means, "Something which is horrible and horrifying. Something that is really really bad." I exclaimed this word when I saw that someone on Kingdom of Loathing had a shop called "The Pedophile's Palace," and the shopkeeper says, "Have a sweet, kiddies." When I saw this I first laughed, then I said, "That's horriffle!" And then I laughed some more, but this time at the word, not at the shop.

I'm sure you'd be very interested in hearing what I've been doing the last few days (other than playing Kingdom of Loathing, I mean), but I'm too lazy, and busy playing KoL to type it up right now. But it is very interesting. Yes.

posted by Kevin @ 9:04:52 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 So you ladies wanna know what's in a man's brain?

So you ladies wanna know what's in a man's brain?

Warning: Not work safe. But pretty funny.

posted by Kevin @ 7:19:10 PM 0 comments

Sunday, January 16, 2005 Why My Brother Died

Why My Brother Died

posted by Kevin @ 6:56:55 PM 0 comments

Yahoo! News - Pentagon Spurned Plan to Initiate Enemy Homosexuality

Yahoo! News - Pentagon Spurned Plan to Initiate Enemy Homosexuality

posted by Kevin @ 6:54:47 PM 0 comments

Friday, January 14, 2005 Heysoos and the Kingdom of Loathing.

You know those chicken-flavored crackers, called Chicken-in-a-Biscuit? Well, my new name for communion wafers is "Jesus-in-a-Biscuit."

Yeah, so once again I haven't been posting. This is because I am totally obsessed with this online game, called Kingdom of Loathing. Seriously, this is the best game EVER. It's an online RPG game, but it's more like an online RPG that's drank too much, and maybe taken some acid. It's very funny, and full of pop-culture and music references, some of them can be somewhat obscure, but that makes it even funnier if you're one of the ones who actually gets it. I've been spending all my free time playing this game. I'm completely obsessed, I even get on the computer for a couple of minutes when I come home on break, to see if I've gotten any in game messages from the other players, or to see if anything I'm selling at the market has sold. And when I'm not playing, I spend all my time in the chat rooms, or reading other websites about the game, fansites and stuff. The game has quite a large following, I heard last night there's about 400,000 registered users. They even have their own online radio station, which rocks. The music doesn't have anything to do with the game, but all the DJs are players of the game. The game is very easy to play, and there's nothing to download, you just play it right there in your internet broswer, and it's all completely free, though if you donate some money to the site, you get special item that gives you some stat bonuses. The game is easy to play, but it can be a pretty complex, in depth game, because there's hundreds of items you can collect, and they can be combined into other items, and you can even make drinks and foods out of other drink or food components. And some of the puzzles can be difficult, because they are so weird, or based on some kind of obscure reference, but you can get help in the chat rooms, and the people in them are usually very nice. Sometimes people will just send you items for no reason.

Ok, that's all I have to say about the game right now, but I'm sure I'll have some more to say about it in another post soon.

posted by Kevin @ 6:39:44 PM 0 comments

Thursday, January 06, 2005 Where's my water!?

Dammit, I wish they'd tell us when they're going to turn the water off at the apartments. They do it all the time too. Usually they come around and tell, but if you're not at home, they don't leave a message or anything, so you don't know. I just got home from work and didn't know that I had no water until I took a big crap and tried to flush the toilet! And yes, I know that was disgusting, deal with it.

posted by Kevin @ 4:19:46 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, January 05, 2005 The last two weeks.

Ok, it's been two, almost three weeks since I last made a real post about what has been going on in my life. The last one was my birthday. So, I mentioned I got all that furniture for my birthday. So like I said, we worked on the big entertainment center the night I got it, and didn't get done with it, so then we finally got done with it the next day, and it took me another couple of hours to get all my video game systems and stuff off the old TV stand and all the cords untangled and stuff, and to get them all on the new one and all hooked up. To make things a little easier in the future, I finally labeled all the cords with what systems they go to like I've been meaning to for some time. I do this mainly because I often have to unhook one system to hook up another one when I want to play it. I have a system selector switchbox thing, but it only has five buttons and I have more things than that, so I still can't hook up everything at once. Then the next day I spent several hours putting all my video games and DVDs and VHS tapes on the shelves also. The entertainment center has the middle part, which holds the TV, and above that, a shelf wide enough to hold two things, and below the TV, two cabinet doors. Then on each side it has two five-shelf bookcase things over six foot tall. Even with all that space, I only have one shelf left after putting all that stuff on it. Over the TV I put my VCR and PS2, but I will have to move the PS2, as I wasn't thinking when I put it there. It's fine to go there when I am using it as a DVD player (which I won't be doing anymore, more on that in a few minutes) but when I'm playing a video game, the controller cord hangs down in front of the screen. Duh. I've still been playing it anyway like that, it's not causing any problems yet, as it hangs down near the edge of the screen anyway. The in the cabinets below, I put all my video game instructions books, extra cords, controllers, and stuff like that. I keep all instruction books, even if I never read them. I still have the instructions to old NES games, some that I don't even have the game anymore. Then on all the shelves I put everything else. And on the top I put my TV antenna, and my cable modem and router. Here are all the machines and stuff that I had to put in this thing and hook up: NES, SNES, N64, Gamecube, PS2, X-Box, VCR, set-top antenna, modem, router, switchbox, TV. It took me a while.

Then, a few days later, I finally put together the bookshelf I also got, I did it by myself and it still only took barely an hour. And I did a good job too. My dad almost ruined the entertainment center, when it came time to nail the back on, half the nails ended up sticking out of the wood on the sides of the cabinets because they were at an angle or improperly aligned. This made me very mad. My dad did that part of the assembly. But when I put together the bookshelf by myself, not a single nail came out of the wood. I also after several days finally cleaned up the place a little, it was still a disaster area. It's still kinda messy, because all the new stuff I got for Christmas is just sitting around, and so is the bookshelf because I still haven't decided where I'm going to put it. Also, my old TV stand is still sitting around. My parent's said they'd take it and sell it at their next garage sale, but so far they have forgotten, I need to remind them to come get it.

Ok, so now on to Christmas. My mom overdid it on the presents like usual. It's embarrassing, I'm 25 and living on my own now, and she still insists on buying me tons of presents, and almost all video games and stuff. I'm not complaining, but it's kinda embarrassing. She always spends a thousand dollars or more in all for Christmas, I was talking about that at work one day, and everyone was like "How can I become part of your family?"

I didn't know how we were going to do Christmas this year. When I was a kid, we'd open the presents from each other on Christmas Eve, then on Christmas morning, we'd open the presents from Santa, and the stockings and stuff. Just about the time I was too old for us to do the whole Santa thing anymore, my sister was born, and so we kept doing that, but now she's 14, and hasn't believed in Santa in years, so I didn't know if we were going to open everything on Eve, or Christmas morning, or what. But mom insisted on still doing it the usual way, we'd open all the presents under the tree on Christmas Eve, and then there'd be a few more the next morning.

Just Christmas Eve alone made this one of the best Christmases ever to me, and to my sister it WAS the best Christmas ever, she kept saying so. I got everything I'd told my mom she could get me, plus pretty much anything else I'd even acted like I would want over the last six months or so. I got several video games, Fable, for the X-box; Dragonball Z Budokai 3 for the PS2; Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, for the PS2; Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, for the Gamecube; and Metroid Zero Mission, for the Gameboy Advance. And that wasn't the half of it. I also got several DVDs: The Last Samurai, the Cowboy Bebop movie, and both box sets of the Pee Wee's Playhouse DVDs, it's the entire series on DVD, it's like 15 or 16 DVDs. I also got one of those Gizmo cordless can openers, a hand mixer, and three corningware cookware things, and a couple of baking pans. I also got a X-Box live starter kit, but I didn't need that anymore, so I took it back to get some other stuff with the money. I didn't need it anymore because it comes with a headset, which my mom didn't know I'd already gotten one myself; a game that I don't really like anyway; and a 12 month subscription to X-Box live, which I'd just paid for like the day before. When I got Halo 2 it came with a free two month subscription, and then when it runs out, they automatically bill you for the next year, unless you cancel, which I was wanting them to renew it for the year anyway. My two months ran out and I was billed for the next year just a day or two before Christmas, so now I didn't need that subscription thing anymore, unless I wanted to keep it around for a year, so I just took the whole thing back a couple of days after Christmas, and got $75 that I spent on other things. Because the two things I REALLY wanted for Christmas was the only things I didn't get. For months I'd been wanting some of those adapters so I can play my iPod over my car radio, and mom said she'd probably get them for me for Christmas, but she didn't. If I'd known she wasn't going to I would've bought them myself months ago. So with the $75 I got that, and an extension for my gamecube controller cord, plus the DVD of the Mario Brothers movie, and a DVD of Puni Puni Poemy, an anime series by the makers of Excel Saga, which is even weirder than Excel Saga, something I didn't think was possible.

Speaking of Halo 2, I haven't played it in over a month, almost two. I haven't played it since about two weeks after I got it. The X-Box live subscription I am now paying for is just going to waste.

Then my sister got mostly DVDs. She got Annie, and the Fifth Element, which are two of her favorite movies, and also the Yuu Yuu Hakusho movie. She also got the Yuu Yuu Hakusho video game for the PS2, which was like the only thing she REALLY wanted for Christmas. She also got some CD, and the first three seasons of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD. She also got some clothes, and some other stuff. Just from that stuff she was saying that this was the best Christmas ever, what she didn't know, (but I did) was that for her the best was yet to come, on Christmas morning.

After all these presents I told mom I had no idea what else there could possibly me for me on Christmas morning, and she said that she only had one more present for me.

So then on Christmas morning, I got a DVD/VCR combo machine. It's a really good one too, it's by Samsung, and it plays absolutely everything. It plays DVDs, CDs, DVD-R, CD-R, MP3 CDs, picture CDs, and even has slots in the front so you can put the memory cards from your cameras and stuff in it and see them on the TV. The only thing it doesn't do is burn DVDs.

On Christmas morning my sisters mind was blown. She got an X-Box, with Halo and Halo 2. Then, she also got something she'd been wanting, but didn't figure she'd get. A computer. Several nights before I had to go out with my mom and help her find one to buy. It's an amazing computer too, 2.1GHz, which is the worst thing about it, 160 GB harddrive, and 512 RAM. She also got a big computer desk, which I spent several hours Christmas morning putting together, by myself, because my dad was sick. He watched me though, and kept telling me that I was doing an amazing job, and that he was proud of me. He also kept mentioning that "you know, some places pay people to put this stuff together, you could do that."

Then I spent the rest of the day setting the computer up, and learning how to use it, since it was running Windows XP and the last Windows version I've ever used was Windows 98, and configuring all the settings and crap. I went back after work for several days doing all that, and then when I was finally about done, they got the cable internet installed, so I had to go back and set all that up, and configure their internet parental controls and stuff. This is why I didn't even get to play any of the new games I got for several days after Christmas. I've still only played a couple of them and hardly watched any of the DVDs. Also because I worked 8 days straight, I went back to work the day after Christmas, and didn't have another day off until Monday. I did go home sick Saturday though, like four hours early. I was really sick for a couple of days.

On Christmas Eve, I played my Metroid for the gameboy a while, but didn't get to play that much, because Chris was here for Christmas, and wanted me to come over to his parent's place and hang out with him and everyone else for a while before he had to leave because he and Candice both had to work the next morning, meaning they'd have to drive back to Texas overnight and had to leave in a few hours. I took my games with me to show him what I got, and while I was there, I didn't get to play any, but I watched David play the Budokai 3 for a while. It looks much better than 2. I still haven't played it, or Fable yet. Once I finally go to play my games, I started with Paper Mario. It's great, I played it for about 8 hours over just two days. I also watched a few episodes of Pee Wee's Playhouse. Then a couple of days ago, I finally played San Andreas. I wasn't sure if I'd like this game or not, from the reviews I'd read. They changed it some, and added all these stats and stuff, and you have to keep the guy fed, and stuff like that. But actually, it's very well done, and actually make the game better! I like this one even more than Vice City, though Vice City has the better music. I don't like most of the music on this game. I played it for an hour or so Sunday night, then Monday, my day off, I played it for six hours straight. I'm off again today, and after I get done with this, and other stuff I have to get done today, I'm going to play it for probably another six hours.

Ok, I think that's it for now. I'm sure I'll think of some more stuff I didn't mention later, but for now this post is already enormous.

Oh yeah, one other thing. I finally got around to watching the Cowboy Bebop movie Monday night, and it is GREAT!

posted by Kevin @ 11:54:33 AM 0 comments

Sunday, January 02, 2005 Why?

Just a quick post, something I was just thinking about, something that has always annoyed me about Oklahoma.

There's just too many churches. Seriously, if you live in a small Oklahoma town, there's a church on about every third street corner. There's only around 5,000 people in this town, and about 20 churches. Why do we need that many? Most of them are the same denomination even, it's not like big cities where you see those churches for people from other countries, like "The Korean Assembly of God" or something like that. Here there's one Jehova's Witness church, and then all the rest are all Baptist, Church of Christ, or Pentecostal Holiness.

It just really bugs me. And now I have to go to work. For the 8th day in a row.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005 Joke

A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could. When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting." The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler..."

posted by Kevin @ 10:25:00 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 29, 2005 Scary

posted by Kevin @ 8:40:00 PM 0 comments

Monday, March 28, 2005 Lawnmower Man

Ugh, I am in pain right now. Today I mowed my parents' lawn. I haven't mowed a lawn in around ten years. Back when I was like 13, 14, and 15, I used to mow lawns for money, but I don't think I've mowed a lawn since then. I may have mown my parents' lawn a couple of times since then, but I know I haven't even done that in at least five years. I asked my parents the other day if they'd pay me for mowing their lawn this spring and summer, because I desperately need both the money and the exercise. They said yes, for both reasons, they agree I really need the exercise too. I am getting terrible out of shape, I hardly ever leave the house or anything except for work. I work, then come home and sit in front of the computer for 7 hours, then on my days off, I sit in front of the computer for about 15 hours. I hardly ever even get up and walk around the apartment, except to go to the bathroom, or to go to the kitchen to get something to eat.

I am in so much pain right now, I can barely move. I don't even want to think about what I'll be like tomorrow. I don't know if I'll even be able to go to work tomorrow, I'll probably be so sore. I'm not calling in for that though. Especially since I'm trying to get more hours, I'm not going to try to get off work early as much, and stuff like that. And I'm going to seriously try to go find some little second job. I keep meaning to apply at Subway, because that seems like a very easy job. The Subway here hardly ever even has any customers when I drive by.

I'm not as out of shape as my pain makes me sound, because it was more than just simply mowing a lawn. It was the first mowing of the year, and so there was lots of other stuff I had to do first, it took me almost 5 hours to do everything. My parents have a big tree in the front yard, that drops thousands of these tiny, spikey wooden ball things, and the yard was just thick with them, so I had to rake them all up, and then bend over and put the piles into sacks. There was four large yardwork size trash bags full of them, just from this one tree. Then, there were stick, and rocks, and little pieces of brick that crumbles off the crappy house, and I had to pick all that up. What is the proper verb form for saying you used a weedeater? I've always wondered that. I usually say "weedeated," and so does my family, but it sounds stupid. Anyway, there's a ton of junk in the yard that has to be weedeated around, so much that it took me probably an hour just to do that. Also, the lawn was so grown up, and slightly wet, that it was really hard to mow, I had to go over everything at least three times to get it to look good. So that's why it took so long, and why I am so sore. Still, the mowing wasn't that bad, I didn't even break a sweat doing that. It's my arms that hurt so bad, from carrying the heavy gas-powered weedeater around for so long, and my back hurts, from bending down for so long picking up those spike things.

I didn't expect it to take me so long to do, I had other stuff I was wanting to do today, but now I'll have to wait until Wednesday for most of it, and so I will be busy all day Wednesday too. I have to do a chapter or two of my business course (I've only got three left), pay a bunch of bills, get a haircut, go shopping, go get my new car tag, and probably something else I'm forgetting.

Mowing the lawn today brought back a lot of memories. Like I said, I used to mow lawns all the time when I was a teenager, and it brought back a lot of memories from then. Also, I enjoyed myself, even though it was hard work. For some reason I've always kind of enjoyed mowing lawns.

I just know I'll regret it tomorrow though. Good thing I've got a big bottle of Advil handy.

posted by Kevin @ 7:32:00 PM 0 comments

Friday, March 25, 2005 Oompah

I want to start a polka band. We'd do covers of Hoobastank songs, and we'd call ourselves "Tubastank."

This thought just spontaneously entered my brain when I was looking at some maps and saw that there is a city in Arizona called Tuba City. Also, there is a town in New Mexico called Pie Town. I want to live in Pie Town.

And now I just about died laughing, because I saw a town called Shafter, and I instantly said, "Shafter? I hardly know her!"

posted by Kevin @ 7:27:00 PM 0 comments

Thursday, March 24, 2005 Spam-box Weirdness, Part 2

Here are more funny spam e-mail names I have gotten since I posted the others.

Doxologies U. Spumoni Austrians K. Embalmers Anchor B. Swordsmen Potboiler O. Bunkhouse

And, once again saving the best for last: Sourdough H. Terrify

posted by Kevin @ 10:43:00 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, March 23, 2005 An... interesting sight.

I went outside to check my mail just now, and there were two dogs, chewing on, and fighting over, a used tampon.

I wonder where they got it? Someone was probably throwing bags of trash into the dumpster, and one went on the ground, and they were too lazy to pick it up, and the dogs got into it.

posted by Kevin @ 4:28:00 PM 0 comments

Monday, March 21, 2005 Spam-box weirdness

Is it just me, or are spam e-mails getting weirder and more surreal. Now that most of them fill the body with these weird paragraphs made by what I assume is some kind of random word sentence generator. Sometimes the semi-random words actually make sentences that seem to have some kind of hidden, arcane meaning to them. Not only that, but now it appears that the names of the "people" sending the e-mail are made by the same word generator. But they, even more often than the sentences, seem to fit together in some sort of strangely appropriate manner. Here are some of the funnier names I've gotten in my mailbox over the last week:

Peritoneum I. Islam Fact D. Hiroshima Piggy J. Outgrow Morita K. Humiliation Parchments G. Lysol Huddle B. Inmate And, the best name ever, Mentalities J. Tardily.

I've seen some other really good ones, but I finally deleted them the other day, because I was tired of them sitting in my spam-filter inbox.

posted by Kevin @ 11:06:00 AM 0 comments

Teacher caught on tape pulling chair from under student refusing to stand for national anthem

Link to this story

A student named Jay (who wants his last name to be withheld) at Brick Township High School in New Jersey, had his chair pulled out from under him after he refused to stand for the national anthem. The class started out that morning with Mantel yelling "I don't want to hear a sound! Not a sound! Morning exercises will come on, you will stand, you will stand quietly, you will pay attention! Any Questions!?...Now stand up and keep your mouths shut!" Students stood up as the national anthem began playing. In the middle of the anthem, Mantel walked over to Jay and demanded that he stand up. Jay silently refused, and Mantel yelled again, "Stand up!". Jay then said "I don't have to stand up". To which Mantel insisted "You have to stand." Jay said "No I don't". Mantel then reached over and pulled Jay's chair out from under him. Jay responded to Stuart Mantel's outrageous behavior by asking Mantel "Are you serious?", to which Mantel yelled "I am damn well serious." Jay said that he didn't have any political reasons for his refusal to stand but that he wanted to sit because he feels it is his right to do so and that right was being threatened by Mantel. Jay said that he thought Mantel might tell him to stand, but he never expected to be physically forced to do so. Jay's friend who was in the class at the time, Corey, says that their teacher had been strict in the past in demanding that students stand for the national anthem and pledge of allegiance. That's why they brought in a camera - to expose the teacher in case he did anything again. "The teacher and school principals wanted him (Mantel) to press charges against us...they tried to blame it on us like it was premeditated, like we did it just to get him on tape, which is false. We knew he was gonna go nuts because he frequently used to" said Corey. Jay's other classmate Steve got suspended for 10 days for filming the incident. The school told Corey that it "violated the teacher's constitutional rights" for them to film the teacher without his permission."I think that its crazy that people are getting in trouble for this or things they say. There have been so many kids video taping and no one ever got in trouble for it. So why now?" Jay asked. It sounds as if the school is punishing this student now because of the nature of what's on the tape, not the fact they were taping the teacher without his permission. When I asked Corey if Mantel was being punished for pulling out Jay's chair, he said "Nope...I asked (the principal) 'What are you doing to discipline Mantel?' and they said 'we talked'. Teachers do anything they want". Seeing acts like Mantel's go unpunished will likely inspire teachers to continue intimidating their students into standing for the national anthem and pledge of allegiance.

If you would like to let Brick Schools know how you feel about their handling of this situation, you may contact them here:

Brick Township Public Schools Board of Education 101 Hendrickson Ave Brick, NJ 08723 732-785-3000

Brick Township High School 346 Chambers Bridge Road Brick, NJ 08723 (732)262-2500

posted by Kevin @ 10:51:00 AM 0 comments

Sunday, March 20, 2005 A Brief History of Rhyme

What the fuck? I just got a "your order has shipped" email from Amazon.com, for the CD I ordered. I had them ship it with standard shipping, which they always say on their site should take between 3 and 5 days. The order shipped out today, (don't ask me how, since this is Sunday, and they are shipping it via USPS), and it says my estimated date of arrival is April 1st! That's a lot more than 3 to 5 days.

I ordered the CD mentioned on this page: MC Hawking's Crib.

I'd never heard of this guy before, but he's been around for a while. He calls himself MC Hawking, after Stephen Hawking, the wheelchair-bound smartest man since Einstein. It's hardcore rap, done in a Stephen Hawking computer voice. Some of the songs are even about advanced scientific ideas. He has a new album out, a greatest hits album entitled, "MC Hawking, A Brief History of Rhyme," which is, of course, named after Hawking's most famous book, "A Brief History of Time." I've always been a huge fan of Stephen Hawking, so this CD is right up my alley. It features such tracks as: The Hawkman Cometh, Big Bizang, Entropy, Fuck the Creationists, All my Shootings be Drivebys, and E=MC Hawking. Stephen Hawking himself has said, "It's very funny. In an odd sort of way, I'm quite flattered."

Ok, enough advertising.

I went to a party at Daniel's house last night. Like usual, hardly anyone showed up. It was just me, Daniel, Olivia, Jarrod, and Murray. Alicia, Shawn, Phillip, Jackie, and maybe even Bill and Michelle were all supposed to be there, but for some reason or another, they didn't. Alicia and Phillip finally showed up, at almost 1:00 a.m. The party was supposed to start around 7:30. I got there about 7:45, and I was the first one there. Maybe half an hour later, Murray showed up. Then, probably about 9:00, Jarrod showed up. Murray left around 11:00 I think, and then I left about 12:15. It was pretty fun, it just would've been better if more people had been there.

posted by Kevin @ 4:12:00 PM 0 comments

Friday, March 18, 2005 Hulk Smash Tiny Penis!

A conversation I just had with Melissa:

subspecies23: Grrr, Hulk Angry! Hulk angry because Hulk ass smell so bad! missy_custer: ewwww smelly green bootay subspecies23: Hulk smash ass smell!! missy_custer: lmao missy_custer: ohhhh, I rented "The Incredibles" it was SO COOL subspecies23: Hulk penis stink! subspecies23: eww, lol missy_custer: ewwwwwwww subspecies23: really, I haven't seen that. missy_custer: It's so great!! missy_custer: I think you'd like it subspecies23: "The Ring 2" came out today, I want to see it. missy_custer: oooh missy_custer: Ringu around your anus! subspecies23: lol missy_custer: Hulk smash anus ring! subspecies23: lol subspecies23: Hulk need cock ring! missy_custer: ew! missy_custer: big splintery one subspecies23: he could use a tire, lol missy_custer: LMFAO subspecies23: Hulk use giant penis as club! missy_custer: I just thought of that Michelin tires missy_custer: lmao missy_custer: "I clubbeth you over head! RARGH! Mine eyes get red! Big bulgey green penis veins!" subspecies23: actually, it would seem that not everything grows when he turns into the hulk, lol. Daniel let me borrow some comic books of his the other day, and the Hulk is in there, and there are times when there's just a little scrap of pants over the crotch area, and there's no bulge or anything, lol subspecies23: Maybe that's why he's so angry, lol subspecies23: Hulk smash tiny penis! subspecies23: Hulk embarrassed to shower at the gym! missy_custer: lmao subspecies23: lmfao missy_custer: Hulk have shorty penis! missy_custer: "RARGH! MY ANGER COMPENSATES FOR TINY WINKY!" subspecies23: lol missy_custer: "Green woman no want me!" missy_custer: "Swamp Thing gets all the chicks!"

A few minutes later...

missy_custer: i'll have to wait, my dad's gonna be here in a minute lalala missy_custer: he's gonna give me a padlock and a key for my new storage I'll be using subspecies23: to keep the dead bodies in! subspecies23: lol missy_custer: roflmao missy_custer: It might fit 2 short people. subspecies23: or one person, cut in half! missy_custer: roflmao

posted by Kevin @ 7:57:00 PM 2 comments

Thursday, March 17, 2005 Fuck off and die.

Happy fucking St. Patrick's Day. I wish everyone would just die already.

On a related note, I'm getting really tired of being treated like a piece of shit by all the people I thought were my friends.

No, I'm not drunk. Not yet anyways. But I have a big bottle of rum sitting here at the ready.

Now if only I had a bottle of sleeping pills to go with it.

posted by Kevin @ 6:55:00 PM 0 comments

Monday, March 14, 2005 Yum

I need to make a name for the drink I just made. Actually, I'm sure it probably already exists somewhere, pretty much any alcoholic drink you can think of has been done already.

Anyway, I just mixed this simple drink, and it's really good. Normally, I find any alcoholic drink to be nasty as hell, but I like this one. Here is the (simple) recipe:

1 oz. Rum. I used Bacardi Gold. 6 oz. of Fruit Punch Kool-Aid A large squirt of lime juice. I used that lime juice thing you buy, but a fresh lime would be better.

posted by Kevin @ 9:06:00 PM 0 comments

Pi Day

Happy Pi Day!

Don't know what Pi Day is? Look at the calendar, what's the date? March 14. Which, of course, can be called 3/14. Pi = 3.14. So, obviously, this is Pi Day.

posted by Kevin @ 3:33:00 PM 0 comments

Funny as hell.

I would've just posted the image right here in the post, but it's too wide for the column, so just click this link and look at this comic. It's the funniest thing I've seen all week. I laughed until it hurt.

Pickup Line #17

posted by Kevin @ 3:18:00 PM 0 comments

HETEROSEXUALITY KILLS!

HETEROSEXUALITY KILLS!

posted by Kevin @ 1:41:25 PM 0 comments

Sunday, March 13, 2005 Flash / Monkey

Flash / Monkey

This is hilarious. The perils of drinking.

posted by Kevin @ 10:07:54 AM 0 comments

Saturday, March 05, 2005 No Title

Q: What animal would you be if you could be an animal?

A: You already are an animal.

posted by Kevin @ 8:48:00 PM 0 comments

Friday, March 04, 2005 KAAA-MEEE-HAAA-MEEE...

In a forum I was reading just now, someone just said:

I love Dragon Ball Z, and my years of watching it has taught me one thing that guides me through my life.

That thing is this:

No matter how impossible the task, how invincible the foe, you can do anything you can set your mind to... but only if you scream for twenty minutes first.

posted by Kevin @ 7:28:00 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 BaconWhores - The Way Bacon Was Meant to be Served

BaconWhores - The Way Bacon Was Meant to be Served

Ummmm... This is hilarious, and, at first, I assumed it was a joke. But, upon closer examination, I'm pretty sure it's real. Check out the various links at the bottom, it's got places where you can sign up and put yourself on the waiting list, and it's got a price list, and it even has a page of information for potential investors who want to invest in the company. Sadly, it says the service is not available in my area yet. Melissa put in her zip code, and it says that due to overwhelming demand in that area, they cannot take any new orders for at least two weeks.

posted by Kevin @ 7:21:54 PM 2 comments

SAVE Fluffy!

SAVE Fluffy!

I swear to God that I will eat this sweet bunny on New Year's Eve if by the, 31st of December, 2005, my bank account does not show at least $1,000,000.00

At 5:17 PM, Anonymous said... you are one sick person! nothing but a hick bastard! if your seriously going to eat a fucking bunny if you don't have 1 mill. in the bank.....then you must have shit for a brain. and filled with greed which maybe your that much of a low life that you dont care..which doesn't really surprise since your from oklahoma!! no offense to other ppl for oklahoma.....not very impressing there kevin! but whatever have fun rotting in hell! ohh one more thing...i find it very interesting that there's like 5 sites with different animals yet all threatening the same thing! AMAZING!! not very original either!!

At 2:46 PM, Anonymous said... true person that made fun of oklahoma. this person is just a fag that probably has no friends and has a very poor education and can't get a decent paying job.

At 2:54 PM, Kevin said... You people are such idiots, can't you even tell that it's a link? It's someone else's web page, I didn't make it. I am not the one threatening to eat the rabbit.

At 9:50 AM, Anonymous said... you r a fucking dush

At 9:52 AM, Anonymous said... you r a sick cocking sucking little dildo you r fucked in the brain you need help douch

At 9:53 AM, jeremy f said... u r a weirdo! so u are 25 u stay at home and watch anami and threaten to eat rabbits unless u get 1 mill, you r one fucked up loser, u prolly stay home and spank it to the picture of your mom!!!!

At 9:55 AM, tommy w said... kevin u r dumb to make a eb site of this douch you both need help yall r sick little mommy fucker and i hope youu die and go to hell losers

Post a Comment Monday, February 28, 2005 .......................

God, I am so depressed. I haven't been this depressed in a couple of years. I've been really depressed for about the last three days now. I wish I had something to do besides just sit at home at the computer all day. I wish I had something to do. I wish I could go out and meet people and stuff. But most of all, I wish I had a girlfriend.

posted by Kevin @ 12:40:00 PM 1 comments

Saturday, February 26, 2005 Stupid Law

I just read that, in Switzerland, it is illegal to flush your toilet after 10:00 p.m. if you live in an apartment. That would suck.

posted by Kevin @ 5:00:00 PM 0 comments

Friday, February 25, 2005 Yahoo! News - Wife Says Thompson Discussed Suicide

Yahoo! News - Wife Says Thompson Discussed Suicide

This is a very sad, touching story.

posted by Kevin @ 9:48:30 PM 0 comments

Thursday, February 24, 2005 Gizoogle

Wow, this site is hilarious. Gizoogle - Fo all you beotches who wanna find shiznit.

Yes, it's Gizoogle, the gangsta search engine. Actually, it's not really a search engine, it's one of those things that you give it a web address, and it translates the page, making it look like it was written by Snoop Dogg. Here is a sample from my page:

My W-to-tha-izzish

I would gizzle anyth'n ta be able ta go bizzy in tizzy n go ta a P-to-tha-izzink Floyd concert. It would be so cool, I'd probably die of extreme joy before tha concert was ova spittin' that shiznit.

It also has a place where you can just type in text, and it will translate it the same way, as with this passage from the Bible:

In tha perpetratin' God created tha heaven n tha earth.

And tha earth was witout form, n void; n darkness was upon tha face of tha deep ya feelin' me?. And tha Spirit of God moved upon tha face of tha wata.

And God said, "Let there be light . Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin'": n there was light.

And God saw tha light, thiznat it was good: n God divided tha light friznom tha darkness cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

And God called tha light Day, n tha darkness he called "N-to-tha-izzight". And tha pimpin' n tha morn'n were tha F-to-tha-izzirst day gangsta style.

Also, it has a image gallery full of very funny images.

posted by Kevin @ 10:06:00 PM 1 comments

Monday, February 21, 2005 A great man is dead...

Hunter S. Thompson is dead. He shot himself last night. I am very depressed about this. He was my hero. I just can't beleive he shot himself, he had such a lust for life. I would love to be able to write some sort of eulogy for him here, but I just don't have the skill, or the words to do so.

R.I.P. Hunter S. Thompson July 18th 1937 - Feb. 20th 2005

Yahoo News - Writer Hunter S. Thompson Kills Himself

Yahoo News - Legendary US author, "gonzo" journalist Hunter S. Thompson commits suicide

posted by Kevin @ 11:36:00 AM 1 comments

Thursday, February 17, 2005 My Wish

I would give anything to be able to go back in time and go to a Pink Floyd concert. It would be so cool, I'd probably die of extreme joy before the concert was over.

posted by Kevin @ 10:52:00 PM 0 comments

Oh My God...

I just heard the most horrible joke ever. Not horrible as in not funny, but horrible as in "You're a horrible person for saying that." It was one of those, "You're going to hell for telling that joke" jokes. And so now I shall tell it to you.

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?"

"Christopher Walken."

If you don't get it, say it out loud.

posted by Kevin @ 9:08:00 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 That Mysterious First Kiss - Suite101.com

That Mysterious First Kiss - Suite101.com

This is a pretty cool article, about kissing and the history of kissing. I find the first three paragraphs especially interesting.

A recent documentary on television on the subject of kissing pointed out that this physical act reduces stress, produces a peaceful feeling of being loved, and even boosts our immune systems. With all the benefits and pleasures of the act of kissing, does history reveal when humanity's first kiss took place?

Years ago, scientists thought that when two lips met during kissing an electric current was generated. They now know that this is completely untrue. Scientific fact is that kissing signals our brains to produce oxytocin which is a hormone that causes a good feeling. One study stated that our brains are equipped to help us find our lover's lips in the dark.

German physicians and psychologists say that those who kiss their spouses each morning before leaving for work miss less work because of illness than those who do not. Those who kiss also have fewer auto accidents on the way to work, earn 20-30 percent more per month and live approximately five years longer.

posted by Kevin @ 10:24:19 PM 0 comments

Oven

Attention: "Oven" is now a verb.

I was just looking through the fridge, trying to decide what to eat, and I said to myself, "Yeah, I think I'll oven me a corn dog." I normally cook them in the microwave, but occasionally I cook them in the oven. My oven sucks so much, it takes 30 minutes at 500 degrees to cook a fucking corn dog.

posted by Kevin @ 11:28:00 AM 0 comments

Monday, February 14, 2005 Post #2

Wow! Two posts in one day! That hasn't happened in a while.

I just wanted to share this totally surreal spam e-mail I received a couple of days ago.

The subject line is, "I grew up in St. Louis and got the hell out of there," and the body of the message is simply a link to "www.SaddamHusseinKilledLaciPeterson.com".

posted by Kevin @ 10:04:00 PM 0 comments

I'm still alive...

Yes, I know I'm still not posting. I'm still spending all free time playing Kingdom of Loathing. So, time for another huge post covering events of the last few weeks.

So, Chris got married a couple of weeks ago. It was just a simple court house ceremony that barely took five minutes once it get started. But still, it was one of the weirdest weddings I've ever seen. They didn't even make the rest of us sit down in the seats, they let us all stand up there around Chris and Candice, and people kept laughing and making comments, especially Chris and Candice themselves. When it came time to exchange the vows, Chris and Candice kept laughing, especially when it came to the part about promising to honor and obey, and stuff like that, we all started laughing, because we all knew better than that.

Then, after the wedding, most of us went out to eat at Hunans, a Chinese place, which a week later was in the news because it has been declared the nastiest place in Oklahoma in recent inspections, and is being shut down. Still, it was really good when we were there. It may have been full of roaches or something, but it tasted really good.

Then, Friday, Chris came back up to Oklahoma for the weekend. He was going to stay the weekend, and me, him, David, and Chris' brother Richard were supposed to all go out to some strip clubs and get drunk and stuff Saturday night. Instead, we ended up going out Friday AND Saturday. The plan had originally been to go out to The Playhouse, the place that I went to a while back, and said was so great. Oh, and Chris' wife knew all about us going to the strip clubs, but she doesn't mind.

On Friday night, I was hanging out with Chris and his brother, and they needed to go up to Norman for some stuff, and while we were up there, we decided to go to some strip club there in Norman, that neither me nor Chris even knew existed. Richard mainly wanted to go there, so we could see how crappy it was, he said it was really crappy, with skanky dancers. And he was right. There were only three dancers even there at first, and two of them looked like they were around 40. And for some reason they all kept coming out to our pool table we were playing at, and hanging around us, and one of them got a bad attitude. She got pissed because I wouldn't talk to her, and was being my usual anti-social self. I wasn't really being rude or anything, but she just started freaking out, and was being very rude, and on the verge of getting violent, so we left. It wasn't my fault, Chris and Richard said she was a crazy bitch too.

Then we decided to go up to another club, it was better, but still wasn't very good, so then we went to Night Trips, the place I mentioned last time, that's supposed to be the best strip club around here. I didn't think it was that great. Yeah, they had some really good looking dancers, but the place was so packed, it was just shoulder to shoulder, and you couldn't get anywhere near the stage without having to fight your way there. Then after we left there, we went and ate at Dennys. It was a pretty cool night, and Richard wasn't too bad, I usually hate Chris' brother. Mainly because he embarrasses me, and says things to me that make me uncomfortable. Not like THAT, you perverts. It's just that his whole family is very open, especially with sexual things, and they just all sit around talking about things I'd never talk about, especially not with someone's parents, and Richard is really bad about saying things to me that embarrass me. He wasn't that bad these two nights, well, until he got drunk, that is.

Then, Saturday night, David ended up not being able to come, which sucked, because he was supposed to be the designated driver, so we had to decide who had to be it in his place. Chris ended up being it, so he wasn't able to drink until we got back to my place. So we went up to The Playhouse. On the way there we stopped by a liquor store, and bought some stuff, and me and Richard had some drinks in the car, brandy and coke. I think we both had two fairly large ones. Then, to make a long story short, we all three had an absolute blast at the Playhouse, and they all agreed with me that it is a fantastic place, and they said that I really know how to pick strip clubs. I was feeling kinda proud of myself. We made plans to do this again every time Chris comes up for the weekend.

But then, things started to fall apart. On the way back, Richard was so horny from the club, that he started trying to find some girls for me and him, and try to get them to come over to my place where we were going next to all get drunk. He tried calling all the girls he knew, and wasn't having much luck. Then he got ahold of some guy and girl that he knew, and they were going to come over, and she was supposed to bring some friends. They got to my place, but none of the other girls came. So then, them and Richard just sat around playing some drinking game, and all got very drunk, and then got rowdy, and then they all got in some argument and the guy and girl left. So yeah, the party was really sucky, and I got in a really bad mood, which always happens though when I get drunk around several people. I'm fine when I get drunk by myself, or with just a person or two, but in party situations I always get really depressed and angry, and end up punching walls. And that's when the party goes good. By the end of this night, I was really really angry and depressed. And in fact, have now been depressed and angry for two days. Partly because of that, and partly because of it being Valentine's Day.

Ok, so, this post is long, and I don't really feel that well tonight, so I'm going to end this now. I don't feel that depressed or anything anymore, but I'm suffering from allergies or something now.

posted by Kevin @ 7:21:00 PM 0 comments

Saturday, February 05, 2005 What Kind of Sixties Person are You?

You are a Radical. Right on!

What kind of Sixties Person are you? brought to you by Quizilla

Ok, so based on my original answers, I got Rebel, but there were some questions that multiple answers fit me, and I just had to pick one, so, going back and changing a couple of them slightly, also got me the Hippy result. So I'm somewhere between the two or something. They aren't that different in some ways. The main things are the course of action they take. Both are "rebels" in a way, but Hippies are more the passive type, with their love-in and sit-ins, and protests, while the Rebels are more violent and angry and active in their actions. In general anyway, there were some exceptions to both of those generalizations.

posted by Kevin @ 4:50:22 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, February 01, 2005 Story!

Tune in soon for my new erotic parody: "Lemony Suckit: A Series of Unfortunate Sexual Encounters!"

Not really.

Especially since I've never read any of the books, and know nothing at all about them. I don't have any idea what they are even about. I've heard they're cool though.

That reminded me of an item on Kingdom of Loathing: The Disturbing Fan-Fiction. Its description is, "This is a hundred pages of animals from a popular cartoon doing horrible and disgusting things to each other."