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Laptop Pimpin'

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Skipping through the hundreds of color photos of women on these sites, it's as easy to highlight a service provider whom a web surfer might be interested in as it is to add an item to an Amazon shopping cart. But an understanding of the blunt jargon of these inner-circle acronyms is key to knowing exactly what you're getting. When "Caroline" says, "Because of my fascination with men, and the fact that I love to please, I'm sure you will consider me a total GFE -- and then some," you know she's promising you a girlfriend experience, which probably means she's going to try some method acting on you. A GFE would, of course, be preferable to a "clockwatcher," a provider who rushes and does not enjoy her work. Some Cuban girls will list special rates for TLN -- toda la noche.

Are you looking for an incall (going to her place) or an outcall (yours)? Does she offer a BBBJ ("bareback blow job," without use of a condom)? Or BBBJTCWS (" completion with swallowing")? If you're paying for it -- and willing to expose yourself to AIDS -- it pays to know this stuff.

Some customers look for a "spinner." According to one escort glossary, that means "a very petite provider." Etymology: From the 1970s toy Sit 'n' Spin. If you happen to like 'em skinny, don't call and order a BBW ("big beautiful woman"). A "white knight" is used to describe the easily-suckered older dude who becomes caught up in trying to protect the honor and dignity of beleaguered escorts. The acronyms and code words could fill a dictionary.

SoFlaCompanions -- whose contact, Steve Berger, declined to be interviewed by New Times -- and its more vibrant competitor,, focus on Miami-Dade, Broward, and Palm Beach counties. SFC runs an "ad gallery" as well as reviews of local independent escorts, spas, studios, massage parlors, strip clubs, and escort agencies. runs ads from some of the area's biggest escort agencies too, each boasting dozens of hotties awaiting your phone call.

Neither site lists advertising rates, and according to some advertisers, women are allowed to place photographs and blurbs for free. Independentgirls offers men "VIP" and "High Roller" memberships for $400 a year, promising customers discounted dates and other perks, like airlines offering frequent-flier miles.

Take a random ad with a 561 area code posted by "lindatwinkles," an "independent 28-year-old redhead" whose accompanying text leaves much to ponder: "sweet and nice i have a privacy policy dont ask ques, no discuss 4 1st 10min and any gift is in concealed envelope. thank you." Even with precautions in place, she's not taking chances.

But reviews, if they are to be believed, leave no doubt what happens on "dates." Outlander52 had this to say about a wonderful summer's evening spent with an escort named Candy: "Extraordinary oral skills. Lovely skin to run my fingers over, amazing nipples to savor. To say the finish was astounding is putting it mildly. Drained, emptied, unloaded, and evacuated only begin to describe how satisfying the ending was."

Most revealing of all is the buzzing IndiBoard linked to This on-line discussion forum seems to confirm Silverburg's notion of South Florida as a vast, nonstop yeast culture of deals and rendezvous. A recent, late-afternoon peak showed 107 users logging on in a 15-minute period. There's no better place to exchange news, gossip, and information about the escort world in the tricounty area. Euphemisms again abound: Those selling favors are "providers"; those parting with their cash are "hobbyists."

Most of the posts are given to political grandstanding, boring solipsism, or interminably unfunny in-jokes. Occasionally through the sewer-screen will flow revealing pearls of insight, posts that manage to capture, distill, and define the demand for a prostitute's services. To this end, a recent IndiBoard visitor with the screen name "Dirty Sanchez" has sparked the board's activity with his brutally honest postings. The unflinchingly misogynist Sanchez explains why his "girlfriend" is "the best in the world."

"She changes looks every week," he boasts. "She doesn't have my phone number. I don't have to worry about giving her an orgasm. I don't have to worry about meeting her mother. When I'm finished with her I can go home and sleep. I don't even care if she likes me or not. God bless those whores. Why buy a car if you only drive once a week for an hour? Just rent one!"

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Jeff Stratton
Contact: Jeff Stratton

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