Update, 12;15 p.m.: Health care too! Forget time changes; the Associated Press now reports Gov. Rick Scott has announced Florida will not comply with any part of Obamacare. This is true. Here is the article. I know, right?
Original post, 5:44 a.m.:
In yet another example of gross government overreach and excessive bureaucratic regulation, officials have announced that today, June 30, will be one second longer than a normal Earth day. At 11:59:59 p.m. tonight, the officially recognized time will receive an extra second before rolling over to midnight, a move scientists justify with "science" and "facts" that reflect the slowing-down of the Earth's rotation.
While many Republicans are skeptical of such empirical data, several GOP legislators have signed a letter accusing "President" Barack Hussein Obama of being responsible for the shortage of day.
Gov. Rick Scott said early Saturday that he's considering ignoring the regulation in the name of state's rights and adopting "Florida Time," which will be one second behind the rest of the planet. Experts estimate the state is already about 50 years behind.
The state Legislature is also poised to get involved in the controversy: It has been called into an emergency session to discuss a time change bill that also redefines public schools as houses of worship.
While there have been 35 "leap seconds" added to clocks since 1967, this is the first of Obama's tenure; early reports from Washington indicate House Republicans have made room for a "repeal ObamaTime" measure by postponing one vote on naming seven post offices after Ronald Reagan and another vote to close those seven post offices to pay for one-third of a ballistic missile.
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has also condemned the leap second: Despite overseeing a Massachusetts leap second during his service as governor and calling it "the best thing to happen to clocks since clocks," he has this time decried the maneuver as a homosexual aberration.
Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson was contacted for comment, but he was super high and said thinking about time like that was probably going to make him throw up. He answered further calls for comment by whispering Fleetwood Mac lyrics into the telephone.
NASA officials say the adjustment will sync up Coordinated Universal Time (UTC), which is based on the calculations of atomic clocks, with Universal Time 1 (UT1), which is based on the rotation of the Earth relative to distant quasars. The organization said in a statement Friday that an Earth day in the time of the dinosaurs was about 23 hours, and that the day has been growing slowly past 24 hours since about 1820.
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Opponents claim, however, that "the rotation of the Earth," "dinosaurs," and "1820" are all commonly cited progressive lies invented to take our freedom away -- if Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi elects to challenge the time change in court, the state will most likely act like there isn't going to be a time change until it's absolutely forced to do something and then scramble at the last minute to make sure everyone knows what time it is.
Officials are also expected to make sure poor people and minorities do not have access to clocks either way.