Sports

LeBron James Named Sports Illustrated's Sportsman of the Year

In the least shocking news of the entire history of human persons, Sports Illustrated has named LeBron James the 2012 Sportsman of the Year.

All LeBron pretty much did this year is cleave the earth with his astounding awesomeness by winning his first NBA title for your Miami Heat, won his third NBA MVP, first NBA Finals MVP, and then went and vanquished the rest of the world over in London and won himself a Gold Medal to boot.

With a primal intensity usually reserved for professional assassins and lions pouncing and gorging on a herd of caribou, LeBron came through with what was quite possibly the single greatest one-man performance you've ever witnessed in the NBA playoffs this past summer.

LeBron was an absolute freight train of devastation, cockpunching defenses with his basketball prowess, littering the court with the decaying corpses of his opponents and telling any and all who doubt him, mock him, and otherwise say ridiculous things about him, to go and fornicate with farm animals.

He threw down massive dunks, hit jumpers with ease, hit three pointers and dropped his cinderblock of a penis right on the entire world's head as he collected his first of what will surely be multiple world championships.

And now, he adds what is still considered one of the more prestigious individual awards in all of sports.

SI Sportsman of the Year.

Balls.




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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph