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LeBron James Scores First Triple-Double in Olympic History

The 2012 Summer Olympics just got COBRADICK'D.

LeBron James went into yesterday's quarterfinal match against Australia and dropped 11 points, 14 rebounds, and 12 assists in the 119-86 beatdown of the Aussies. His 12 assists tied Olympic records held by Phil Ford, Leon Wood, and some dude named Michael Jordan. And his 14 rebounds were two shy of the record. But NO MAN had ever recorded a triple-double in the Olympics until last night. Oh, and he did all this in only 30 minutes of playing time.

James and the Dream Team are now two wins away from capturing gold. But they'll have to contend with Argentina, who flop and play punch-people-in-the-dick defense and are generally an unlikable team all around, in the semifinal on Friday.

"LeBron was magnificent tonight, but he has been magnificent the whole time," U.S. coach Mike Krzyzewski said afterward. "He is so unselfish. His rebounding and passing tonight were incredible, and he is all about winning, and he is the best basketball player right now, and he showed that tonight."

Cynics and haterz will say it's the Olympics and, more to the point, it was fucking Australia. But that's sort of missing the point. What is the point? The point is LeBron James is proving that he is, in fact, the best basketball player in the world right now. And he did this by unzipping his pants and unleashing his monster dong all over London and plans to continue wrecking ass, destroying nations, and leaving a heap of bodies and broken dreams in his wake in the next two games so he can come back home with some gold. He's like a supervillain who can shoot three-pointers and dunk a basketball.

Friday's game against Argentina is at 4 p.m. The gold-medal game is on Sunday at 10 a.m.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph

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