^
Keep New Times Free
4

LeBron James to Be Named MVP for Fourth Time

In the least shocking news in the history of forever, LeBron James is going to be named the 2013 NBA Most Valuable Player for the fourth time in his face-wrecking career.

Michael Jordan, Bill Russell, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Wilt Chamberlain are the only other players with at least four MVP awards.

This will be LeBron's second straight year being named MVP and his fourth in five seasons.

James finished off what is perhaps one of the finest seasons ever turned in by an NBA player.

He dented league ass by averaging 26.8 points, 8 rebounds, 7.3 assists, and 1.7 steals this season.

LeBron also displayed face-melting, universe-imploding efficiency, shooting .565 from the field and .406 from three-point range. He ranked in the top ten in scoring, assists, steals, and field goal percentage and ranked number one in totally shoving his foot into the rectum of every other team in the NBA.

LeBron was named NBA Eastern Conference Player of the week so many times, people started calling it the LeBron Award.

He led the Heat to its best season ever with a 66-16 record and led the team on its world-altering 27-game winning streak, the second longest in NBA history.

At age 28, he's just at the beginning of his prime and is showing no signs of slowing down. Which means Abdul-Jabbar's record of six MVP awards is going to be stuffed into a canon and shot into the stratosphere within the next decade.

And LeBron James will light the fuse with his massive dong.

follow Chris Joseph on Twitter




I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.