In the least shocking news in the history of forever, LeBron James is going to be named the 2013 NBA Most Valuable Player for the fourth time in his face-wrecking career.
Michael Jordan, Bill Russell, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Wilt Chamberlain are the only other players with at least four MVP awards.
This will be LeBron's second straight year being named MVP and his fourth in five seasons.
James finished off what is perhaps one of the finest seasons ever turned in by an NBA player.
He dented league ass by averaging 26.8 points, 8 rebounds, 7.3 assists, and 1.7 steals this season.
LeBron also displayed face-melting, universe-imploding efficiency, shooting .565 from the field and .406 from three-point range. He ranked in the top ten in scoring, assists, steals, and field goal percentage and ranked number one in totally shoving his foot into the rectum of every other team in the NBA.
LeBron was named NBA Eastern Conference Player of the week so many times, people started calling it the LeBron Award.
He led the Heat to its best season ever with a 66-16 record and led the team on its world-altering 27-game winning streak, the second longest in NBA history.
At age 28, he's just at the beginning of his prime and is showing no signs of slowing down. Which means Abdul-Jabbar's record of six MVP awards is going to be stuffed into a canon and shot into the stratosphere within the next decade.
And LeBron James will light the fuse with his massive dong.
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