Humor

Man Accused of Stuffing $450 Worth of Shoes and Clothes in Pants

A man in Vero Beach was arrested for allegedly stealing $450 worth of shoes and clothes.

In his pants.

Byron Harvey, 38, was was arrested September 10 after cops went to a Bealls store in the 5900 block of 20th Street in Vero Beach and saw him in a dressing room, according to an affidavit.

That's where they saw and smelled Harvey burning the plastic packaging off of store items and then stuffing them down his unreasonably ginormous pants.

Perhaps the acute sulfurous odor of burning plastic and giant not in any way inconspicuous pair of pants gave him away.

Indian River County Sheriff's Office deputies say Harvey had almost $450 worth of shoes, clothes, cologne, and a watch in his pants.

Cops also found six green pills in his left front pocket.

He told police the pills belonged to his girlfriend, who had been wearing his pants.

When's it my turn to wear the giant tent pants, honey??

Harvey told a deputy he'd been up for three days "drinking and doing powder and pills." He was also accused of starting to fight deputies, and was wearing shorts and pants.

Holy crap, dude. Fight the cops all you want, but dial it down on all the pants. Seriously.

Harvey was arrested on felony charges, including retail theft greater than $300, resisting with violence, and possession of a controlled substance. But if you ask us, his best chance to have gotten away from the cops was to apparently jump into his pants.



KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph