Marco Rubio and the Coffee Enema Couple Join Florida Tourism Board

The local personalities, egos, and public figures who swung through the news cycle this week, ranked by New Times' crack research department using a highly scientific algorithm (i.e., darts, board, hangover-shaky hands.)

5. Bottled Water
We were going to put Marco Rubio up here, and on paper that makes complete sense. Dubbed "young, hip" by the Sun-Sentinel (obviously an outlet on inmate terms with both those concepts, right?), Florida's Senator got the shoulder tap to deliver the GOP response to the State of the Union. You could call him the Great Not-White Hype for the cracker-centric Republican party as it plows into the future. But then . . . the bottled water. Hard to come back from such an upstaging.

4. Mike and Trina, the Coffee Enema Gurus
The other day we were sitting around New Times HQ, thinking deeply into the problems of the state. We all agreed the headlines here have been too tame in the last couple of weeks, that things just weren't living up to the Sunshine state standards of near-apocalypse. And then we heard about the St. Petersburg's couple who jam coffee into their asses. Nine times. A day. Marinate on that for a awhile.

3. @_FloridaMan
There seems to be a theme developing here this week in the Power Rankings . . . hmmm . . . all these folks have really gone out of their way to give the state of Florida something to be proud of. This new Twitter account keeps a daily track record of Floriderp in all it's real-time manifestations.

2. University of Miami's Men's Basketball
This here is actually something a local can put their pride in. After being unranked at the beginning of college play, the Hurricanes have put together a perfect ACC record, including big wins over Duke, UNC and NC State. This week, the team received it's highest ranking ever in the AP's coaches poll -- #3.

1. Florida Supreme Court
Last year, a Broward County case begged the question whether judges and the lawyers should be allowed to be Facebook friends. An appeals court decided nope, that it's not in the best interest of the judiciary to be liking the status updates and dinner photo uploads of the very people they preside over. This week, the top court declined to step in on the question, leaving the lower court's decision in place. By staying out the mess, the court likely impacted many a friend count around the state.

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