Marco Rubio's Big Shining Introduction to America Upstaged by Bottle of Water

Fresh off of voting NO for the renewal of the Violence Against Women Act, Marco Rubio hit the airwaves to introduce himself to America as the GOP shinning beacon of light that will take the White House in 2016.

This was his time to shine, to upstage the president by introducing alternative solutions to the problems his own party created.

America was about to get Charisma Boy!'d

And then, he got thirsty.

As he droned on about how Obama was being super mean to his party, Rubio began to get increasingly fidgety. As he stared at the TelePrompter with wide, glazed-over eyes, his lips began to stick to his teeth, and his tongue seemed to be growing inside his mouth.

And so, as he delivered haymakers to the president's socialist agendas and grandma-killing Medicare plans, and as he planted his flag as the future of the America, Rubio frantically lunged off camera midway through his speech to grab a quick swig of water.


Quick thinking, Rubes!

Think anyone noticed?

After the speech, Rubio quickly tried to douse the flames of his flub by tweeting out a picture of his water bottle.

HA. HA. HA. Get it? It's funny because he knew he fucked up.

Marco Rubio's water bottle is the new Clint Eastwood chair.

But don't feel too bad for Rubes.

This watergate mess is actually distracting America from all the bullshit Rubio was spewing in the first place. Maybe that's what made him so thirsty.


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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph