Assume the position!
Assume the position!

Marion County Schools Will Now Paddle Students

It would seem that corporal punishment and Florida would go hand in hand because derpy-derp!

And now, thanks to Marion County, they do!

Last September, Carol Ely, incoming School Board member and former principal at Ocala's Shady Hill Elementary, came up with the fantastic idea of having kids who act up in school get slapped repeatedly in the ass with a giant piece of wood.

And now it seems, her wish has come true.

Elementary school principals across Marion are now free to paddle misbehaving students, because going to school wasn't already a total bummer for kids.

But, as Principal Ballbusters said back when she first brought up the idea, principals won't be bringing a hard giant piece of wood down on your kids' ass without your permission first.

Even though Ely stands by her claims that it works.

Even though studies have suggested it doesn't work and might even make things worse.


Parents must sign on to the idea of having their children paddled, and the rule now is only one paddling per semester, which is a bizarre compromise.

The Marion County School Board had banned the practice three years ago (as opposed to 50 years ago, like most other places). But now, after approving the measure on Tuesday, the sweet smell of children's trepidation through means of physical intimidation is back, baybayy!

Other studies have shown that kids get resentful toward their teacher or principal rather than giving them respect after a paddling. But hey, it's only once a semester, so bend over, Johnny!

Overall, Florida is one of 19 states that still practices terrorizing paddling children, and now Marion County has joined in on the party.

Have fun at school, kids!

Follow Chris Joseph on Twitter

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