Dolphins Tried Hard and Still Got Blown Out, So Everyone Can Stop Crying Now

Josh Rosen warms up during the Miami Dolphins' preseason game against the New Orleans Saints.
Josh Rosen warms up during the Miami Dolphins' preseason game against the New Orleans Saints. Photo by Sean Gardner / Getty Images
If the NFL counted style points, the Dolphins might have earned themselves a few yesterday. Unfortunately, the NFL doesn't keep track of how pretty you looked in a 31-6 loss, so the Dolphins are just your normal, everyday 0-3 after their latest loss to the Dallas Cowboys.

On the bright side, maybe the fact that the Dolphins were down only 10-6 at halftime means this week won't be filled with talking heads calling the Dolphins' pursuit for imperfection "unethical" and "morally reprehensible" while referring to the players as "cheating meanies" who are denting the NFL shield. Maybe, just maybe, everyone will let the Miami Dolphins suck in peace and stop acting like the FBI should get involved.

Nah. Probably not, but we can dream. You'll probably see more Dolphins bashing this week even though the team switched to a young quarterback and competed, much like thousands of teams before it have done.
Though the final score doesn't indicate it, the Dolphins actually showed up Sunday. For an entire half of the game, it almost felt like the good old days when the Dolphins would lose in disappointing fashion and no one would notice or give a shit. Behind some nice throws by Josh Rosen (11-22, 156 yards), a circus catch by DeVante Parker (see above awesomeness), and some stout defense (held Dallas to ten points), the Dolphins were giving the Cowboys a run for their money for 30 minutes of football.

Then the second half began, and the wheels fell off. Or, alternatively, you could say the wheels of the tank were replaced and things got back to normal. The Dolphins' #TankForTua campaign got back to the basics and secured the loss-bag.

The Cowboys instantly scored two touchdowns, and the game was suddenly looking more like the Dolphins' season-opening 59-10 loss to the Ravens or the 43-0 loss to the Patriots last week. But it didn't. The Dolphins stopped the bleeding, competed for the rest of the way, gave up a late garbage-time touchdown, and, in the end, lost a respectable, very normal, blowout 31-6 football game.

The Dolphins lost badly, and everyone who is against the Dolphins losing on purpose got themselves a final score that looks worse than the story of the game. Everyone is happy. 
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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.
Contact: Ryan Yousefi