Miami Dolphins Are Drafting Everybody, According to the Experts

The NFL Draft is tonight. And all the experts and pundits and analysts have weighed in on what exactly the Miami Dolphins will do with their 12th overall pick (earned by the blood, sweat, and tears of yet another 7-9 finish).

And the consensus is... the Dolphins will be selecting everyone tonight.

Miami has 11 picks, including two in the second round (42nd and 54th), and a crapload of needs.

Here now are what all the top experts, including your very own draft expert here at New Times, are predicting for the Dolphins:

The Palm Beach Post:

Tyler Eifert, tight end, Notre Dame

Ben Volin writes:

Dolphins' offseason has been all about finding more playmakers for Ryan Tannehill. They continue by taking the draft's best tight end.

The Miami Herald:

D.J. Hayden, cornerback, Houston

Armando Salguero writes:

You don't have to worry about Hayden making plays because he did that in college. You don't have worry about how fast he runs because he ran a 4.3-second 40-yard dash at his pro day last month. You don't have to worry about Hayden dropping interceptions thrown in his hands like one of your past picks because, well, have you seen him play?

Hayden should be your pick, Jeff.

The Sun Sentinel:

Xavier Rhodes, cornerback, Florida State

Omar Kelly writes:

"Dolphins need a young, athletic, rangy CB, and Rhodes fits Jeff Ireland's prototype."

The Sun Sentinel also likes Eifert.

Again, Kelly writes:

"The Dolphins spent all offseason giving Ryan Tannehill playmakers, and Eifert will become a red-zone threat."

ESPN.com:

Chance Warmack, guard, Alabama

Todd McShay writes:

"You look at Jeff Ireland's draft history -- he took the highest-drafted center in NFL history in Mike Pouncey -- and he might do it if Warmack is still there."

NFL.com:

Jonathan Cooper, guard, North Carolina

Josh Norris writes:

"Cooper cannot play on the edge but will solidify one of the interior positions."

New Times Broward-Palm Beach:

Randy Derpfessin, guard, Georgia Tech

Chris Joseph writes:

Derpfessin is a mauler, an absolute monster with a high motor, and is the kind of guy you'd want your daughter to marry but might be afraid because he would likely kill her when having sex because he literally weighs like a big tree. The guy shits cinder blocks and is just the kind of guy the Dolphins need, since they hate scoring touchdowns and really love giant huge men. True story: During his junior year, Derpfessin shoved an entire baked chicken into his asshole on a dare. This rallied the team, where they lost 47-8 the following Saturday. But a guy willing to put things and food into his butt simply because he was challenged to is the kind of high-character guy the Dolphins and, particularly Jeff Ireland, salivate over. Team player, that guy.

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