Miami Dolphins Are Drafting Everybody, According to the Experts | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida


Miami Dolphins Are Drafting Everybody, According to the Experts

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Jonathan Cooper, guard, North Carolina

Josh Norris writes:

"Cooper cannot play on the edge but will solidify one of the interior positions."

New Times Broward-Palm Beach:

Randy Derpfessin, guard, Georgia Tech

Chris Joseph writes:

Derpfessin is a mauler, an absolute monster with a high motor, and is the kind of guy you'd want your daughter to marry but might be afraid because he would likely kill her when having sex because he literally weighs like a big tree. The guy shits cinder blocks and is just the kind of guy the Dolphins need, since they hate scoring touchdowns and really love giant huge men. True story: During his junior year, Derpfessin shoved an entire baked chicken into his asshole on a dare. This rallied the team, where they lost 47-8 the following Saturday. But a guy willing to put things and food into his butt simply because he was challenged to is the kind of high-character guy the Dolphins and, particularly Jeff Ireland, salivate over. Team player, that guy.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph

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