Miami Dolphins Finish 7-9 Yet Again; Somehow Jeff Ireland Is Still Employed

In case you missed it, the Miami Dolphins got thoroughly pulverized with a sock full of pennies by the New England Patriots yesterday to the tune of 28-0, mercifully bringing the 2012 campaign to an end and ensuring yet another 7-9 season.

Yet, on Black Monday -- the Monday following the regular season, when teams ax coaches, general managers, and team presidents who have shat their respective beds -- our very own general manager remains employed with reports that owner Stephen Ross has seen enough improvement to want to keep him around.

Improvement, you say?

2009: 7-9
2010: 7-9
2011: 6-10
2012: 7-9

It's like Groundhog Day where you're forced to eat a dick-n-balls sandwich.........FOREVER.

We should all be so lucky to have a boss like Stephen Ross. Systematically and miserably fail at your job year after year, without showing the slightest bit of improvement in the final hard numbers, and still keep your job? SHIT YEAH!

Ireland has spent millions of dollars and countless draft picks on the offensive line, and the result has been a pile of duck assholes.

Ryan Tannehill was sacked seven times yesterday by a Patriots team that was ranked among the worst in pass rush this year.

In April's draft, Ireland spent a high second-round pick on Jonathan Martin, who has been an abject failure at tackle.

One year ago today, the Indianapolis Colts and Washington Redskins were both worse than the Dolphins in every way imaginable.


Both teams are in the playoffs, thanks to improved rosters that go beyond the amazeballs quarterbacks that are leading them.

This year alone, Ireland drafted Martin, Olivier Vernon, Michael Egnew, with his second, third and fourth picks, while he could have taken FIU's very own T.Y. Hilton, who not only played a position of need (wide receiver) but went on to have a kickass rookie campaign with the Colts.

The Dolphins are in a perpetual spiral of old lady diarrhea under Ireland's tenure.

A brief and not at all complete list of his handywork:

Karlos Dansby: shitstain
Daniel Thomas: pussyfeet
Brandon Marshall trade: assballs
Charles Clay: dickclamp
Sean Smith: cocksmack

Also, there was that time Ireland called a fan an asshole.

And let us not forget the Dez Bryant Momma Whore incident.

And of course, this:

PFT reported a list of general managers who would likely be fired in the coming days. The Jets' Mike Tannenbaum and Browns' Tom Heckert -- both on that list -- have already been fired Monday morning.

The one missing name from the list?



Brace yourselves, Dolphins fans. It's going to be a long-ass offseason. Followed by more and more 7-9 seasons.


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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph