Miami Marlins Hire a New PR Firm To Make Us Forget The Horrible Things They've Done | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida


Miami Marlins Hire a New PR Firm To Make Us Forget The Horrible Things They've Done

Maybe it was the fact that the team fooled Miami-Dade into building them a ballpark, and now the county is billions of dollars in the hole.

Maybe it was the fact that they swore they wanted to contend while trading away their best players.

Maybe it was that ridiculous rainbow vomit colored new logo.

Whatever it was, the Miami Marlins lost their PR rep Bruce Rubin, who had been with the team for a decade.

So, the team has hired a new PR firm who says the solution is to "communicate with fans."

Yea. Talking it out. That'll fix the abomination that has become this team.

The Miami Herald reports that the Miami-based Jeffrey Group have been hired to try and make people forget that Jeffrey Loria is a lying sack of shit.

For his part, Rubin gave no reason for his exit. "The client engagement is over,'' he said Tuesday. "I never discuss why a client engagement ends."

Jeffrey Group president Mike Valdes-Fauli refused to get into details on what the firm has planned to makeover the team's image (because, they're gonna need a fucking miracle), but he admits that their work is seriously cut out for them.

Valdez-Fauli did say part of their strategy is better communication with the fanbase, although he might have been making that up as he went along.

"Definitely the Marlins are cognizant of how important it is moving forward that they communicate better with fans and stakeholders across the community,'' he said. "I think it will be important for the Miami Marlins to communicate their point of view on a whole host of issues, including on the upcoming season, some of the challenges they've faced in the past, and even the current comparisons with the Miami Dolphins."

So, to recap, the new PR firmed hired by the Marlins to convince us that Loria and team president David Samson are just a misunderstood billionaire and his elfish son-in-law has a plan and that plan is to tell fans that they're not the Miami Dolphins.

Also, the past was super tough, so that's apparently why they got rid of star players, might trade Giancarlo Stanton, fooled people into building them a stadium, and fucked local taxpayers with Heath Bell's shoe.

And, of course, the duty of communicating will fall on Samson's shoulders during his weekly call-in segment with the Dan LeBatard Show where he'll deflect questions with his patented casual smarminess and awful jokes and then review the latest Mark Wahlberg movie.

Should be a riot.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph

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