Your Miami Dolphins took down the New England Patriots 24-20 on Sunday, ending a seven-game losing streak against the Pats, bringing Fins fans everywhere a most welcome Victory Monday, and silencing a multitude if obnoxious douchebags all across New England.
And the best part of all is that they were taken down by an unknown player the Dolphins literally picked up this past week.
Michael Thomas, a safety languishing on the San Francisco 49ers practice squad until the Dolphins signed him to fill a roster spot, pretty much single-handedly took down one of the most dangerous offenses in the NFL.
With the Dolphins clinging to a four-point lead and Tom Brady and the Patriots on the march for a last-second victory, things were looking bleak for Miami.
This was, after all, the Patriots. They have the best coach, the best quarterback, and one of the best offenses in all the land. They also had first place on the line, giving them extra incentive to ruin everyone's Christmas.
And the worst part of all, Brady and his receivers were now facing the nonstarters.
Miami's secondary began to fall apart. Playmakers like Brent Grimes began dropping with injuries, leaving a handful of WHO THE HELL IS THAT GUY?s out on the field having to contend with the NFL's best two-minute-drill offense.
Thomas was thrust into the fire, having to face down Brady and the mighty Pats and the throng of loud assholes wearing blue who had littered Sun Life Stadium seats with their douchebaggery.
He hadn't had a practice snap all week. It was just a matter of him being the last guy standing while everyone else fell by the wayside.
The Dolphins were desperate.
Their season, on the brink.
The perpetual Sword of Damocles hung over the fans' hopes of a winning season -- same as it ever was.
And there was Michael Thomas, encased inside a box that read IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, BREAK GLASS.
Thomas was thrown out to play nickel and to stop the inevitable oncoming desolation that has besieged the Dolphins for seven-straight games.
And then, he knocked an end-zone pass intended for Danny Amendola into the air for an incompletion. It was pure effort and athletic ability. The pass was there for the catch. But Thomas' quick instincts raked the pass from Amendola's hands at the last second.
But Thomas wasn't done being the Dark Knight to our playoff dreams.
With 27 seconds remaining, Brady threw a laser to Austin Collie in the end zone -- a pass everyone watching knew was going to be caught for a touchdown, wreck the Dolphins' season, and have everyone in Bristol worship at the throne of Brady. Because that's what the Patriots do. They rip your heart out in the end.
Thomas reached up in front of Collie and snatched the football out of the air for the game-sealing, season-saving interception.
After the INT, Thomas crumpled into a ball of emotions and wept tears of joy.
He then took to Twitter:
All I wanted was an opportunity!!!— Michael Thomas (@Michael31Thomas) December 16, 2013
The fans, ever appreciative, responded in kind.
Congratulations @michael31thomas Great to see your hard work pay off. What a debut!!— Mindi Bach (@MBachCSN) December 16, 2013
@Michael31Thomas I'm glad that opportunity came with Miami! Great pick!!!!!— BigMike (@WhoaBundy81) December 16, 2013
"As soon as I realized I caught it and the game was pretty much over, tears came," Thomas told the media after the game. "All my teammates jumped on me. They heard me screaming."
Michael Thomas -- a guy who other Dolphins players called "31" because they hadn't yet learned his name -- became the savior of the 2013 season.
This is why sports is awesome.