You know that guy who you follow on Twitter because he's so stupid his tweets make you want to punch yourself in the face and hurl yourself out of the window?
Mike Wallace is that guy.
Today he jettisoned some plain stoopid comments regarding NBA player Jason Collins' announcement that he's gay. Wallace put the news through some Wallacian reasoning processes and clacked out a bit of trenchant analysis: "All these beautiful women in the world and guys wanna mess with other guys SMH..."
Then, by means of explanation, he said everyone, CALM DOWN. You don't understand! I'm not a bigot. I'm just ignorant.
"I'm not bashing anybody," Wallace said, "don't have anything against anyone I just don't understand it."
When we first read these tweets, we thought: Is Mike Wallace really that stupid? But then, after trolling the depths of his Twitter feed, we've realized that, yes, Mike Wallace is that stupid.
And then some.
15. You sure have, Mike
Lol @ired33 been gettin it poppin on twitter the last couple of days!!
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) January 5, 2012
14. Mike Wallace is so much smarter than all of us
Lol why everybody on twitter wanna be a English teacher I can write however I want I guarantee ima lot smarter than a lot of y'all
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) January 11, 2012
13. Mike Wallace is so much richer than all of us
We gon be Rich Forever!!!
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) January 16, 2012
12. Mike Wallace counts his money in terms of measurement
If I had to name my money baby I would call it LONG..#Jeezy
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) January 31, 2012
11. (Unless you're gay.)
It's ok with me!!! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh it's ok with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) February 18, 2012
10. Smartest thing Mike Wallace has ever tweeted
Saw the homie @kingjames play for the first time in person today it was cray!!!
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) March 7, 2012
9. Mike Wallace at convenience store, trying to buy gum, can't find proper denominations of currency
All I got is Hundreds I ain't even stuntin
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) March 11, 2012
8. Mike Wallace is really more a Velcro man, himself. (Less complicated.)
Gucci Shoes No Shoestrings!!!#ImaWalkingLick
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) March 14, 2012
7. Don't fuck with Mike Wallace and his crawfish, random scrub who tweeted about crawfish
Man u dnt knw nothing bout crawfish RT @icu_mr31: I love me some crawfishinstagr.am/p/IiLn2ggNjp/
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) March 23, 2012
6. Duuuuuuuudee, fo' realsie
Man those Doritos tacos are Fareal
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) March 27, 2012
5. Red Rum spelled backwards doesn't spell out coffin for ninjas, Mike. It spells Mur Der.
Red Rum spelled backwards that's coffin for ninjas #2Chainz
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) June 8, 2012
4. ...Yes.
It's about never dressing like a ninja like u!!! Lol
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) July 21, 2012
3. Mike Wallace says fuck reading books.
I'm bored guess I'll go buy some fly shit to entertain myself!! #youngflynflashy
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) April 7, 2013
2. (If you're gay)
No new friends! No new friends! No new friends! No no no!!!
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) April 19, 2013
1. Earlier today, trying to make all the bad homophobia go away
Never said anything was right or wrong I just said I don't understand!! Deeply sorry for anyone that I offended
— Mike Wallace (@Wallace17_daKid) April 29, 2013
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