Morning Juice: Seminole Gambling Rocks, Sunrise Leaders Shout Like Children, Teachers Fail | The Daily Pulp | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida

Broward News

Morning Juice: Seminole Gambling Rocks, Sunrise Leaders Shout Like Children, Teachers Fail

It's agreed: We'll screw the poor.

New Card Games = I Go Free!

The Florida House will create a new committee to review the state's pact with the Seminole Tribe, meaning the Seminole Hard Rock Casino & Hotel in Hollywood could offer new and exciting card games!

You may notice some bias in that previous sentence, but I'm being told by the fine Hard Rock security personnel to tell you that it has nothing to do with their presence over my shoulder. Sure, I spent the night at the blackjack tables. And yes, I bet more than the net worth of Latvia, while I actually owe my bank several overdraft charges. But I have come to realize that new and exciting card games bring in tourist dollars to the state, especially during the Seminole Hard Rock Casino & Hotel's $250,000 holiday giveaway!

After the jump, more pro-casino bias inserted into unconnected news stories!

Teachers In Trouble

Turns out a new school grading system passed last year by lawmakers will have an unintended result of giving more schools "F" grades. That's too bad for educators, who will have to spend more time preparing lesson plans and less time at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino & Hotel's bike night every Tuesday.

Sit Down, Sunrise

All eighth grade social studies students know that a Democracy is run by electing the most petty, self-absorbed members of our society to lead the rest of us. And if the students don't know that, let's hope they took a field trip last night -- albeit the lamest field trip ever -- to the Sunrise City Commission meeting, where they would have seen grown men shout at each other like children. Like children who have been freebasing Pixie Stix. The problems started when Commissioner Joey Scuotto shouted:

"I don't have a problem with his wife. You are totally ridiculous! You are out of line! Gimme a break!"

That prompted the mayor to tell Joey to sit down. Joey didn't like that. Said Joey:

"I'm not sitting down! You're not my father!"

Here's where I might have normally said that it sounds like Joey needs a nap. But what Joey really needs to do is join the Seminole Hard Rock Casino & Hotel's Players Club, "where you earn bonus points for your play on your favorite hot machines." That sentence, while helping Joey, also allowed me to erase two hours of gambling debt. Just eight more hours to go!

If you missed last night's Sunrise City Commission meeting, the altercation has been reenacted below, with Jack Black playing the part of Joey.

-- Eric Barton

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Eric Barton
Contact: Eric Barton

Latest Stories