In case you've forgotten, Sunday is Mother's Day. And while you might be scrambling to buy your mom $2 flowers from a gas station or getting her yet another Hallmark card with kittens on it from the CVS down the street (again!), maybe you want to remember that you have only one mother.
And maybe you should be thankful it wasn't one of these mothers that the universe seemed fit to give you.
Here are six Florida moms who will make you thankful for your own mom (and maybe motivate you to actually do something nice for yours this Sunday):
1. The Mom Who Let Her 9-Year-Old Eat Some Crack on Christmas Morning
Fire rescue officials were called to the home of Kimberly Losurdo on a report that a child began convulsing.
Because the child ate crack cocaine.
A the hospital, the child told cops that the 45-year-old Losurdo was smoking, snorting, and ingesting "stuff" (i.e. -- crack).
Then, on Christmas morning, the 9-year-old found what was descrbied as an "irregular shaped, rock-like" substance in the bathroom and ate it.
Not long after that, the child began throwing up and convulsing. Losurdo then called paramedics. So, kudos to Mom for at least calling the paramedics after her kid ate some crack?
2. The Mom Who Let Her Little Boy Wander the Streets Naked
A 3-year-old boy was walking around the streets of New Port Richey naked. A driver spotted the toddler and, seeing how a naked little boy walking down the street is not something you see every day, called 911 and told cops about it.
Cops also say that the apartment of the boy's mother, Kelly Ann Gibbs, was unkempt, with empty bottles of alcohol strewn all over the place.
Authorities say Gibbs was unaware that her child was missing, which is kind of shocking that someone who lives in a dirty apartment with discarded liquor bottles and cans littered about wouldn't know something like that.
3. The Mom Who Drank Three Bottles of Wine While Driving
Janet Malizia, 49, went into a gas station store to buy some wine. When she took longer than expected, her 11-year-old son found her wandering around the store. That's when he told her that maybe she shouldn't be drinking and driving. She then slammed her car into an SUV on I-75 and then was all, "Pfft. Whatever," and drove away.
When cops eventually pulled her over, her 11-year-old son showed them an empty cup of wine and told them Mommy had drunk three bottles while on the road.
4. The Other Mom Who Drank While Driving With the Kids in the Car, Who Told Cops It Wasn't Actually Her That Was Driving
Witnesses called police after they saw a car speeding into a gas station/convenience store parking lot and then slamming on the breaks at 4 in the morning.
According to the witnesses, the driver reeked of booze.
Also, she had her three small children in the backseat.
Also, she told authorities it wasn't she who was driving the car.
Kimberly Noelle Martin, 26, was hauled in after she blew a .21 on the Breathalyzer, and cops allegedly found oxycodone in her car.
The three children she had in her car as she allegedly drove around sloshed on booze and pills at 4 in the morning are 6 months old, 6 years old, and 9 years old.
5. The Mom Who Forgot Her Child in a Store for an Hour
Most parents have experienced that terrifying moment while shopping when they lose sight of a child for a moment. A Fort Pierce woman had that experience too -- for an hour.
According to police, a 3-year-old boy was sitting all alone and crying in an aisle at the Deals' Dollar Tree in the 400 block of Georgia Avenue. Eventually, an employee came by and asked the boy where his mother was.
The store employees then had to get all Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive and conducted a hard-target search for the mother outside the store. Still, nothing.
An hour later, a minivan pulled up, and the mother, 30-year-old Philleana Peak, went into the dollar store where police were waiting.
6. The Mom Who's Addicted to Coffee Enemas
Trina, a wife and mother from St. Petersburg, doesn't drink coffee like the other overworked moms. She injects it into her ass nine times a day.
"I love the way it makes me feel," says Trina. "It gives me a sense of euphoria."
Trina swears the enemas have performed miracles on her health.
"I had a lot of stomach problems, digestive problems with my kidney and my liver," she says. "I started research, and it led into coffee enemas, and I really started to feel the benefit. I felt like I was living for the first time in years."
You have to wonder how bad Trina's health was that led the initial research to the point where shoving a hose and freshly brewed coffee up her butt sounded like a good idea.
Trina is seeking help thanks to her teen son, who is probably scarred for life for having a mom who sucks coffee up her butt.
Call your mom this Sunday. And get her something more than a greeting card with a drawing of a flower on it.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!