You spoke, we listened. Back by popular demand, welcome to this week's Mug-Shot Monday, a longstanding franchise focusing on the week's most eye-catching mugs from South Florida's tat heads, tough guys, derp faces, and femmes fatale.
While you were squeezing into your best houndstooth sweater and wiping the eggnog off your lip, these folks were spending the holidays in the correctional embraces of the state. Enjoy!
A Lot of Children Were Disappointed This Year When Santa was a no-show on Christmas Eve, the Elves began to talk among themselves. Some openly proclaimed that there was no problem, that the big man had been going to his meetings and seemed to be handling the work stress well. Others... well, they whispered Santa had been heading for a relapse for some time. The signs were all there.
"Jesus, You Got Me Another Waterpik?" This guy was not very happy when he opened his gift on Christmas morning.
Family Christmas Dinner Squabble Timmy always knows the best way to provoke his twin Tommy. This year, it was one too many cracks about the faux-hawk. It got ugly. The turkey was used as a weapon. Aunt Alice called the police. Surprisingly, that faux-hawk stayed in place.
Utility Beard This is kind of gross, but we're going to say it anyway: A beard like that is genius -- you always have a napkin on hand. Eating ribs, oh, hey, here's napkin. Got that French fry grease still on your hand, easy solution. Right? Come on, you were thinking it too. Don't lie.
Leon, the Tech Support Guy in Every Office in America Sure, you snicker when the computer tech comes over to fix your machine and stumbles awkwardly over your small talk. Sure, he smells like the soap they have in doctors' offices. And yes, he does have "Dust in the Wind" as his ringtone. But you'd probably stop fucking with Leon if you saw him with his shirt off.
Lucky Guy Looks like he barely made it. The bullet passed right through that thick shag but missed his head. That will teach him to talk politics at the dinner table again.
The Ghost of Xmas Past If you were putting on a street-punk version of "A Christmas Carol," here's a young Ebenezer Scrooge, back when he was an aspiring graffito with a bitchin' collection of dub-step remixes and only a slight addiction to prescription ADHD medication.
The Ghost of Xmas Future And alas, here's Scrooge years hence, a prosperous old mountebank with ice in his veins and iron through his lips.
Send your story tips to the author, Kyle Swenson.
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