Broward News

NASA Will Pay You $5,000 for Lying in Bed

You sit around all day playing Candy Crush and bitching on Twitter about how Facebook sucks, so why not get paid a crapload of money while doing that?

NASA is recruiting volunteers to lie in bed for 70 days to research the effects of microgravity on the human body.

Volunteers will be able to have visitors and even have access to TV and the internet.


The first part of the study will take place for two weeks while you loaf around, do normal stuff, and let scientists monitor you from time to time.

After that, you'll spend the next 70 days in a tilted bed. There you''ll have light for 16 hours a day, then darkness for eight hours a day.

You can shower but only in bed.

And, as noted above, you'll have access to computers, a TV, books, and the internet. You'll also be allowed visitors. NASA will provide you with food, but only enough to keep you at a constant weight.

Everything is done from your tilted bed, except for when scientists monitor your bone, muscle, and circulation as well as keep tabs on your immune system. There also will be some kind of workout routine called "countermeasure and function testing," which monitors how movements affect muscle size and cardio health.

Basically, the bed study is to help monitor the effects of microgravity, which is the kind of gravity you find in space. This minimal gravity has often made astronauts feel all wonky and crappy when they return to Earth -- basically because of loss of bone density and muscle strength.

And since you use very little gravity already -- except for when you go to the fridge to grab a beer and leftover chicken wings -- NASA figures you'd be a good test subject.

Of course, it's not as easy as it sounds. It's 70 straight days of lying in a bed with little to no activity. OH WHO ARE WE KIDDING THIS AMERICA WE DO THIS SHIT FOR FREE.

The 70 days is followed by a 14-day period where your body is rehabilitated and brought back to the shape you were in before the study.

If you're interested, you can apply for this dream job here.

And then be prepared to place your name among NASA's greatest pioneers, like Armstrong, Glenn, Lovell, and Aldrin... only a lot fatter and lazier and not in any way as heroic.

But otherwise, totally like them.

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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph