A few weeks ago, the first presidential debate took place, in which Barack Obama was replaced by a sock puppet and Mitt Romney was declared President for Life. The Mittbot was spirited and on the offense, while pointing his finger and blaming the president for all the ills of society while Obummer just stood there and took it. Everything Romney said was one big pile of horseshit. But still. He won!
But in last night's debate in Long Island, the sock puppet was gone and we finally got back Velvet Thunder Obama.
While he answered with a clear and concise voice filed with conviction, Romnom seemed petulant, irritable, and downright annoyed. This time, there was no Jim Lehrer to be all, Talk about your differences and I'll just sit here and say nothing for five minutes... and GO.
This time we had a moderator who acted like she wanted to be there, fact-checked on the spot, and probably, according to every GOPer you can find today, was totally in the tank for Obama.
There is a plethora of things one can pick out as big moments. Here are a few:
- During an exchange on China and personal finances, Romney tried to pull the ol' "gotcha" tactic he pulled on Newt Gingrich during the primary debates and asked Obama, "Have you looked at your pension?" Obama brushed him off with a, "I don't look at my pension. It's not as big as yours, so it doesn't take as long."
- Romney kept touting his FIVE POINT PLAN. Which, as usual, had no substance or details. Just like his tax plan!
It was clear that Mittington was going to pound this shit into the ground, so America would be all, "Five points, you say? Sounds simple enough! VOTE ROMNEY!"
Then the Velvet Thunder came and obliterated the five-point plan into a fine powder.
"Gov. Romney doesn't have a five-point plan. He has a one-point plan: to make sure that folks at the top play by a different set of rules."
- In a particularly heated exchange on Libya, Romney went after Obama about supposedly lying about how he had described the attack in Benghazi the day after ("He never called it a terrorist attack!" is soooo GOPer). The president's face and tone changed, as if to say lives were lost, Americans were killed, and this dipshit wants to politicize it with more lies. Obama looked directly at Mitt, chastised him, and called his accusation "offensive." When Romney insisted on what he was saying was true, Obama told him to check the transcript. That's when moderator Candy Crowley piped up and told Romney to shut his facehole because he was wrong.
- And then there was Romney's BINDERS OF WOMEN moment, which was equal parts inept, offensive toward women, and hilarious.
When a voter asked a question about equal pay for women, Obama brought up the Lilly Ledbetter Equal Pay Act, dropped the mic and walked away. (He didn't really drop the mic, but he might as well have.)
When it was Romney's turn, he rambled on about how when he was governor he was shocked! that he had no women staffed on his Cabinet. So he immediately was all, This is an outrage! Get me some women people to work here! And then he asked a woman's group to help him, and they gave him a binder. And then he hired people with boobs, so now you should totally vote for him as president.
"I went to a number of women's groups," Romney claims. "And I said, 'Can you help us find folks?' and they brought us whole binders full of women."
But aside from internet smartassery, turns out Romney's tale of rescuing women and giving them jobs on his staff was... ... wait for it!... TOTAL HORSESHIT.
- The candidates were asked one final question: What's the biggest misconception people have of you, and tell us why they're wrong. Romney could have come out and said, "People say I'm a robot. I am not." But he didn't (which probably proves our theory that he totally is!). Romney instead went with the Hey, I'm a good dude, I love my peeps and I love my religion answer, which is nice but speaks of his Mr. Roboto-ness. Nothing sincere or personal in his answer.
When it was Obama's turn, he came out and talked about how people say he doesn't like business and yada yada yada HE FINALLY DROPPED THE 47 % REMARK ON ASSES.
"I believe Governor Romney is a good man. Loves his family, cares about his faith. But I also believe that when he said behind closed doors that 47 percent of the country considered themselves victims who refuse personal responsibility, think about who he was talking about. Folks on Social Security who've worked all their lives. Veterans who've sacrificed for this country. Students who are out there trying to hopefully advance their own dreams, but also this country's dreams. Soldiers who are overseas fighting for us right now. People who are working hard every day, paying payroll tax, gas taxes, but don't make enough income. And I want to fight for them. That's what I've been doing for the last four years. Because if they succeed, I believe the country succeeds."
Classic Velvet Thunder.
It was the haymaker of the night. Set up perfectly by the question, Mitt's pseudo I'm a good human person who cares about you because I love God answer, and Obama making one final point about the major differences between he and the Mittbot.
Obama saved the best for last, as a final knockout punch of the night.
"47 percent these nuts."
* POW! *